Sunday, October 18, 2015
'I'm telling you Margery, I'm not going to the beach house again' I said to Margery, an empty chair.
Margery always wants to go there, but I hate it, she knows I'm allergic to fun near large bodies of water.
But I didn't feel like having an argument with her again so I instead complimented her face. Which is something females appreciate.
'Good face' you'll say.
'Thanks, I appreciate that' they'll respond.
This isn't your only option to achieve appreciation of course. You can also attempt the following:
- 'Good head'. For this one make sure you point at her head to avoid misunderstandings. I don't think I need to tell you how THAT could be misconstrued, but just because something isn't needed doesn't mean it's not provided - she may think you mean the head of a beer, and if she hasn't just poured you one you'll be in TROUBLE! She may even say things like 'stop your sarcasm, or else I may just stop sucking your dick and pour you a beer'. And that's dangerous for her to say with a dick in her mouth.
- 'Good general collection of nose, mouth, eyes and related features'. For this one make sure you you add 'like eye brows and such' or else they may think you're complimenting their skin, um sorry, if I'm going to compliment your skin I'll say 'holy christ you are CRAP at growing zits, what a fucking loser'.
- 'Good non-head parts, they go good with your head'. This one's a trick, because it only compliments their head once they realize that 'good' non-head parts only compliment a 'good' head, that's what compliments mean. That's why that song 'bad to the bone' added 'ba ba ba ba ba bad' after referencing the parts to the bone being bad, because 'that means bad head and bad non-head parts implied', was a line that was already implied by the early description. It was a bold move by the writer too, because 'that mean bad head, and bad non-head parts implied' would have been WAY catchier, but they chose integrity, and the public responded with praise.
- 'You're freakin' dumb'. This ones obvious, good heads hold dumb brains, that's just fact.
'Thanks, I appreciate that' they'll respond, if you say any of those.
Of course Margery didn't respond 'thanks, I appreciate that' as she has no face, I'd forgotten. She's an empty chair. Margery instead responded 'screw you, now you are definitely taking me to the beach house'.
So here I am again at the beach house, facing my allergic reaction to having fun near a large body of water, normally it manifests itself in a mild rash, itchy eyes and hallucinations that can have me talking to inanimate objects, but I'm not TOO worried, I've asked Margery to poke me if I start doing anything weird, but I know I will do something, you don't choose you're allergies.
'Then why did you buy a beach house, you must be stupid!' I hear you saying.
Thanks, I appreciate that.