Thursday, November 5, 2015

So there was that - a love poem

It was a pretty boring night the night I first saw her. 
Just a nothing night.
The kind of night that when someone calls you and asks 'what are you up to?' 
You merely reply 'nothing'.
And when they say 'you must be doing something?' 
You go to their house and light their car on fire screaming 'WELL NOW I AM MOTHERFUCKER!' 
But I didn't have any phone calls that night.
My phone was out of battery and of course there's no magical solution to that. 
So I was doing nothing.
Nothing was happening.
I wasn't doing nothing.
And I couldn't even see anything. 
Well...there WAS a satellite visible that night.
I'll admit that. 
Which isn't that remarkable really.
Satellites are almost ALWAYS visible. 
At least on a clear night this far from the city. 
But I still don't normally notice them.
Yet this night I did. 
So there was that.
Maybe it was because this particular satellite had crashed to earth.
And was now imbedded in a giant's head. 
And, now that I think about, that was a tad unusual.
Because giants have really tough skulls.
So imbedding satellites in them is hard.
Also the giant itself also stood out as being a tad less than the norm.
At least for somewhere this far out of the city.
Because normally giants are more likely to be seen in town.
And they've NEVER been seen in town.
So I guess you'd say this was rare sighting around these parts.
And these parts aren't known for rare sightings.
In fact, just some advice for the future, if you're ever round these parts, and you sight someone sighting a rare sighting, then RUN! 
They're probably just trying to sell you something made up, like insurance, all-terrain shoes, or the respect of your peers. 
Yep, there are no real rare sightings in these parts. 
Plus the giant was wearing pants made out of a matter previously unknown to scientists.
And it glowed an aqua-tinged purple.
And threatened to solve the entire world's energy needs.
Which isn't THAT unusual. 
I mean these pants didn't even hold themselves up! 
Pretty crappy pants. 
The pants had to be held up by the second coming of Jesus holding hands with lucifer and together with their newly repaired friendship a orchestra of universal and bi-dimensional harmony was being heard.
I mean obviously there was some strapping too.
Two guys holding hands make pretty poor suspenders.
Believe me.
I'm a dress up party enthusiast.
I've tried just about EVERYTHING you can IMAGINE as suspenders.
Tennis shoes.
Memories of a childhood playground accident where three kids lost limbs.
Lost limbs saved from childhood.
A CD by the band 'savior'.
Ripe gnats.
A Red hazmat suit.
A suit of arms. 
An armless suit I stole off one of those kids now grown up.
That kid's tears.
A glass filled with the air made from the noise made from him crying 'that's literally my only possession, I sold everything to buy this suit hoping it could help me finally get a job'.
The words 'tell your sob story to someone who cares' tattooed on his forehead, then ripped off like a super sticky bandaid.
Love, respect and empathy for my fellow man.
I've TRIED them all, and NONE of them work without some strapping.
Oh plus there was a guy giving out free soft-serve ice-cream. 
The quality custard based stuff. 
So there was that. 
And there was a big pile of leaves that ANYONE was allowed to play in.
And they were the perfect mix of fresh and crunchy.
So there was that.
And the pay-phones weirdly were giving out free phone calls to anyone with a dead mobile battery, and they knew all your phone numbers too.
So there was that. 
So I guess it wasn't a COMPLETELY boring night.  
But it was still boring.
Almost nothing was happening.
And I didn't even have a genuine excuse to burn someone's car to distract me.
But then I saw her.
And she was totally decent looking.
Just my type. 
And my whole world changed. 
And she smiled at me when I smiled at her. 
And my world changed again.
But not like back to where it had been before the first change. 
Like more total change in a direction AWAY from the original position.
But then I realized it.
She'd only given me a half-smile back.
That's so ambiguous. 
So yeah, 
Pretty shitty night all up. 
Also then the next time I saw her she was wearing a pair of pants I didn't care for, so it looks like it wouldn't have worked out anyway.
So pretty good result in the end if you ask me.
Oh and it turned out all that other good stuff could only last in the company of new true love. 
So that's pretty cool, it turns out that new true love is real and powerful!
So that's good news for those who may have access to it one day. 
But good things never happen to me.
Fucking life. 
At least I have my sunny disposition.
Oh and a few jars of giant brain.
I've been trying to sell them round these parts.
But for some reason people keep saying 'wait, did you sight those, cause that's a rare sighting' and then they RUN.
Some people are so strange. 

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