Wednesday, November 4, 2015
Soft like a cloud on your babies bottom
Sometimes in life you have to face some harsh realities, harsh realities such as:
- The death of your favorite TV character
- The death of your favorite TV show
- The death of the guy who showed you your first dead body
- A body of water so polluted you can no longer swim in it without fearing death
- Swimming up-stream in a storm in a tea-cup
- A stream of insignificance in a wheat field of silence
- A scream of silence in a world of the famously obsolete
- Writing Simon And Garfunkel quality imagery but being unable to harmonize as well as them
- The death of the pop song with artistic merit
- Misplacing the Boy Scout Merit Badge you received for turning the guy who showed you the dead body into the police, where a confession was beaten out of him, even though while he did kill him, he did not, I repeat did NOT, put the lipstick on him!
Yep harsh reality SUCKS. That's why here instead I'd like to deal with some soft fabrications, soft fabrications such as:
- If you eat a bucket of butter standing upside-down, in an upside-down helicopter, in a topsy-turvey world, on a day the globe flipped upside-down, the same week the solar-system turned inside-out, the same month the Big Bang went into reverse, after your favorite politician flip-flopped on their renewable energy stance to somewhat disastrous results, at least according to the opposing party, then you won't gain butter weight!
- If you live in a house made entirely of pillows, pillow bed, pillow walls, pillow oven, pillow toilet, pillow hat-rack, pillow carpet, pillow arm-chair, pillow humidifier, pillow hot-tub, and pillow trunk in the pillow attic filled with your dead pillow grandmother's pillow clothes with her pillow ashes in a pillow urn kept on the pillow effigy you keep where the pillow fireplace used to be that you removed because you didn't like having something synonymous with burning in your living room, then people will understand why you're always talking about pillows and it won't bother them at all!
- If you remove every internal organ in your body and replace them with cotton-buds, then you will never have to clean an orifice with a cue-tip again!
Yep those sure we're all soft, although of course they were also unfortunately fabrications, and therefore it's time to face some harsh realities - so clean your damn ears out butter-ball and listen up, we are all sick and tired of hearing about your friggin' pillows all the fucking time, okay! Shut the hell up. Plus buy some new clothes, pillow underpants do not cover you as well as you think! Dick.