Wednesday, December 30, 2015

Join Today

If I started a cult, where the only rules were: 

- It costs a sweet ten bucks a day to stay.
- You have to treat everything that your fellow followers say literally, with grace, and with a vow to honor those sayings. 
- You have to wear the official cult outfit at all times. And 
- The only sentence you are ever allowed to say is 'I promise you, I'm not leaving, trust me, I'm not going anywhere, I swear on my families lives, the lives of all my friends, the future of harmony in the UN, and I even swear on IMPORTANT things, like my pets, my smart phone, and my lucky t-shirt that I was wearing that time I got seven nuggets in a six pack, I'm serious, I am not going anywhere, and if I'm lying and disappear, I want you to fuck that ALL up, that's how much you can trust that I'm not going anywhere'.

Well I bet people who joined would probably quit hardly ever, and I'd get to keep all those sweet, sweet ten bucks! 

And I'll tell you why they wouldn't leave, because the official cult outfit would include cute hats! It's genius. 

Wait, why did I say 'if' I started a cult, clearly I meant 'when'! 

Join today! 

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