Fortunately for him all Harold dreamed of was to jump over a puddle one day.
Unfortunately for him there were a few slight problems with this dream, including:
- It hadn't rained where Harold lived in like forever.
- He didn't own any gumboots.
- Even if he did, gumboots would be hard to jump in.
- And he didn't own any better jumping shoes.
- And he couldn't jump at all without shoes on.
- And he didn't know where he could get shoes.
- And even if he did he didn't know how to put on shoes.
- Also he didn't have any toes, so no shoes would really work out for him.
- Especially seeing as he had no feet.
- Also he didn't have any legs.
- Which meant that even if he attained toes or feet he'd have nowhere to put them.
- And even if he found somewhere to put them it would probably be really expensive to put them there.
- And putting them there would be nowhere near as good as having them attached there.
- And having things attached is often even more expensive than having things put.
- Which is bullshit because finding a good put guy can be just as hard as finding a good attach guy.
- And in these economically downturned times who has the time to put into spending money on finding people?
- Especially to put into finding an inadequate put guy.
- As it was Harold ALREADY had significantly limited time to spend on leisure time.
- Because he didn't even know what the word 'leisure' meant.
- So why isolate time for it.
- And even if he did he isolate time for it, he didn't own any leisure clothes to leisure in.
- And even if he did he attain some leisure clothes, he didn't know what leisure clothes were, so he wouldn't be able to grab them.
- Let alone know how to put them on.
- And even if he did know what they were, and how to put them on, what would be the point of wearing leisure clothes if he didn't have any shoes.
- Or knowledge of what to do with shoes.
- And he DIDN'T even have toes.
- Or feet.
- Or legs.
- Also it was a stupid, stupid, stupid dream.
- As he was around water ALL the time anyway, the stupid idiot.
- So why not dream about some completely dry spot?
- What a moron.
- It's almost like that tiny brain of his barely even worked.
- And his brain WAS tiny.
- Because he was a fish
- And it was hard being a fish.
- Because when your a fish if you dream of somewhere dry people call you a moron.
- Plus he didn't know yet that his girlfriend, the pretty star, was secretly planning to eat him.
- Also he thought he was dating a completely different species which was cool.
- But he didn't know the star was a starfish.
- Which is just another kind of fish.
- At least in name.
- And what sort of stupid fish wants to date a stupid fish?
- Plus he didn't even know he was a fish.
- And even if he did know that he was a fish he probably wouldn't like it.
- Because he'd probably soon find out that he did in fact have a gumboot.
- In fact he lived in a sunken one.
- And who wants to find out that they've been telling people that they don't even know what gumboots are when it turns out they live in one?
But on a nicer note he liked the taste of his own poop.
Happy endings sure are nice.
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