Signs that you should NOT go into the dark forest… unless you really really want to!

You know the one, it’s that one down over there, the one with all the trees, the one that’s dark even on sunny days, and the one that sometimes sounds like it’s screaming even though it’s probably not, because as far as you know forests don’t have a mouth and yet maybe they do, because really we’re just relying on scientists for these things — and how often are scientists wrong? Occasionally! That’s how often! And how far off are they when they’re wrong? Slightly! Usually at least. So maybe with this whole — “no, dark forests DON’T have mouths” stances that they are stuck on is only slightly off, which might mean SOME mouth — and that’s terrifying!! And that’s even before we start even thinking about a forest having a larynx — good GOD!

Also, it’s just occurred to me that the human hand has a “palm”, but the foot doesn’t, why not? Fuck you scientists.

According to Google that part of the foot could be called a number of things:

1. A sole: which is part of a shoe and the part of you which goes to heaven and or farts out of your dead body and gets smelled up by birds.
2. The Dorsal Surface: which is the part of dolphins which makes them look like sharks and therefore makes birds hanging around the surface of the ocean shit themselves, which is often shit full of YOUR dead sole!
3. The Medial Planter on one side and the Lateral Planter on the other side — which sounds like you’re planting some dudes lats into the ground during medieval times — which is probably the era where people were MOST likely to plant random dudes side muscles — so your not even being unique!

Meanwhile the hand is reminiscent of a fucking cocktail on a beach under a palm tree — the Cocktail being held in your PALM of your hand, try that with your foot — go on try it.

Great, now look at ya, you’ve spilled your cocktail all over the sand which is wasteful, and you look foolish, which can be quite freeing if you embrace it, good for you, you scored a tie — no thanks to science!

Speaking of planting latissimus dorsi muscles and palm trees, I bet the dark forest is FULL of them.

So here are signs you shouldn’t go into them unless you really really want to.

1. You sort of want to.
2. Fuck you, that was a trick, as AS IF you should go in if you only SORT of want to.
3. The wind was so strong that your kite literally got ripped violently from its string limbs and catapulted into the dark forrest — and you sort of like that kite, so you want it back.
4. You’ve recently made a fool of yourself trying to drink a cocktail with your foot, and you have yet to learn how to embrace it, so you need somewhere to hide away.
5. You’re a scientist and you want a GUARANTEED Nobel prize for being the first one of your type to discover the dark forests LARYNX!

Well I think we’ve answered this one. Probably don’t go in that dark forest. Then again it might be full of buried medieval latissimus dorsi muscles! And I bet by now they are DELICIOUS! Or else why else would people have bothered to bury them?

Now THATS science!