“To find true happiness – don’t look at the possessions in your house;
Look only at the possessions in your heart!”
After I moved things started to improve for me. I suddenly had nearly three extra hours a day to spend on fun stuff. Seeing as I didn’t know anything fun to do by myself, I decided that maybe I should use the three hours to do something useful. Seeing as I didn’t know anything or anyone I could be of use to, I thought why not be of use to me. So I thought maybe I should get fit. If I was fit maybe I wouldn’t even be ugly any more, I could be just not very good looking.
So I started going for runs every day after work in the morning. It was a beautiful time to be out. Even in a shit-hole area like where I lived. Things seemed hopeful in the mornings. People were on their way to work, where as my day was over. I got to have people envious of me for the first time in my life. Even if they didn’t know it, I knew it and that was good enough for me.
I got to see people out on the streets, not just the vagrants and prostitutes, and the prostitutes’ clients late at night. But normal people. Young people. Sometimes even attractive girls. Often I would see other people out for jogs or walks and they would smile at me or say hello. That was great, it had been years since a stranger said hello to me, now it happened nearly everyday. I had become part of a group. My first group! I didn’t know any of their names, but I saw them regularly, and they seemed happy to see me.
Also I began to lose weight. I couldn’t afford scales, but I could feel it coming off. I stopped drinking ten Dr Peppers a day and cut back to two or three. I started eating sandwiches at work instead of donuts and chocolate bars. I started to cook at home instead of pizza or Chinese food every night. My health improved out of site, my skin looked better, all of me looked better. It was wonderful.
After a while I even began to appreciate work. I mean what else would I rather be doing? I had been there nearly a year; there wasn’t even a hint of a robbery. So I started to calm down a bit. I started to take videos in and watch them through the night, and only spend twenty minutes or so on porn, instead of the old six hours. And I felt good on my way home, like I had achieved something, actual job satisfaction.
As time went by I got to the point where I made the decision that it was about time I started to introduce other people into my life.
It had been years since I had had a friend, and never even a hint of a girlfriend, but I was ready, I just didn’t know how to go about it. So after much thought I did what lots of really shy gutless people do when they want company, and I put an ad in the ‘looking for love column’ in the local paper.
After reading 50 other peoples ads and racking my brain for hours I was able to come up with this.
20 Year old Single White Male
looking for some companionship.
I work nights so someone who
can meet in the day time preferred.
Once you have put an ad in, people could call up and leave a message in your inbox, and then you can call up and retrieve them. I waited two days after my ad went in and called up my box. “You h ave z e ro me ss ages” The computer generated voice jerked out at me. Zero! Are you fucking kidding me?
So I immediately gave up on that. Stupid idea anyway. That was the stupidest thing I had done since year ten when I said hello to the one gay guy at school out of the closet, and spent the next eighteen months hearing the same line five times a day “Jason and James, sitting in a tree, S-U-C-K-I-N-G-E-A-C-H-O-T-H-E-R-S-D-I-C-K-S”. Hilarious isn’t it? I mean what joke isn’t still as funny the seventeen thousandth, nine hundred and sixty third time you hear it?
I began to feel a bit embarrassed that I had even thought of looking for love this way, but I at least felt lucky that unlike school there was nobody around to pay me out about it. Not having a circle of friends does actually have its up point occasionally.
So I spent a couple of weeks feeling as lonely as ever. Until one day I was shoveling through the huge pile of rubbish on my floor and found my ad. I thought “fuck it! I may aswell call one more time”. And to my surprise, I called up and heard “y ou h ave eigh t new me ssag es”. Eight! That’s pretty bloody good.
So I had a listen.
Message 1 “Hi my name is Jessie, I am an 18 year old single mum, don’t worry I am not looking for a new dad, looking for a long term relationship, nothing casual, if you’re interested call me”.
Message 2 “Hi my name is Michelle, I am a 21 year old single mum looking for someone to spend the rest of my life with. Don’t worry I’m not looking for a new dad, my son has one already. If you like what you hear, call me”.
Message 3 “Hi my name is Kathy, I am a slightly chubby, 5’1 size 22 single mum. Hoping to find my soul mate, no one night stands. If your interested call me, and by the way don’t worry, I’m not looking for a new father for my children”.
Message 4 “Hi this is Jess, I think I might have sent you a message already, but if I haven’t I am 18, a single mum, don’t worry not looking for a new dad, just looking for someone to spend the rest of my life with. Please call me”.
Message 5 “Hi My name is Gloria, I am 63 year old, still looking sexy for my age, looking for some younger guys to have fun in the bedroom with, if you like older women, call me”.
Message 6 “Hi my name is Meredith, I am a 19 year old mother of four young kids, don’t worry they have dads. I am sick of one night stands, had so many. I am ready to settle down with someone forever. Call me”.
Message 7 “Hi my name is Nadia, I am a single mum in her early 20’s, not looking for a new dad, they have one, not looking for casual sex, I get that fine myself, just looking for a sweet guy to be the love of my life”.
Message 8 “ Hi my name is Karen, I am a lonely 43 year old house wife, my husband is not interested in sex anymore and I am horny as hell, want to meet in the day for regular hot steamy sex, if your cock is hard, call me soon”.
Hhhhhhhhhhmmmmmm. What to make of that. Well first thing “HOW CAN YOU BE LOOKING FOR SOMEONE TO SPEND THE REST OF YOUR LIFE WITH AND NOT BE LOOKING FOR THEM TO BE A FATHER FOR YOUR CHILD!” Stupid skanks. Second thought, if I ever become a single mum looking for love, I should make sure any time I meet a guy I should say “what I am really looking for is a new dad for my bubs”. At least that would stand me out from the crowd.
Thought three! Gloria, aaaaaawwwwwweeggggghhhhhh, you fowl disgusting woman.
Thought four! Hmm I wonder how old 43 really is? I started to rack my brain for where I knew some women in their forties. I thought of not bad forty somethings like Meg Ryan or Elle Machpherson. Then it hit me, the over 40 and fantastic edition of playboy at work.
That night I pulled porno magazines all over the floor till I found it, and WOW, I mean not as nice as most of the 21 year olds in there, but not bloody bad. So I gave Karen a call, and we arranged for her to come to my place for sex.
YES. My place for sex! A woman is coming to my place for sex! A woooMAN is COMing to MY Place for SEX! I sang it. I whispered it. I yelled it out the window. I thought about it day and night for two days until she came.
It started with the knock on my door. I slowly opened it, and standing before me was the ugliest women I had ever seen in my entire life. “NO WONDER YOUR HUSBAND ISNT INTERESTED IN SEX ANYMORE” I screamed at my brain.
“Hi I’m Karen, how are you”
“Hi, Jason, I’m good” I mumbled
“What do I do what do I do what do I do what do I do what do I do what do I do what do I do what do I do what do I do” I rambled to the voice in my head
“Come in, I guess” I finally said
Karen was 43, well she said she was, but if that’s what 43 looks like then most of the women in their sixties I have encountered in my life were really lying and only 43. She was fat, not really, really fat, but fat enough. She had a really wrinkly face, which looked old and worn out. She had way, way too much make up on, and you could see the grey roots in her hair line with dark black short hair above. She had on a red short dress which showed off her flabby legs and drooping breasts. But worst of all, and I mean worst of all of any human being in the whole wide world, she had a hair growing out of a mole on her neck which was at least eight inches long, all wriggly curly and sticking straight out. It was like the hair inside of her had found the vessel it was growing out of so hideous it had to escape what ever the cost, but had a much, much longer tail than it thought it had, but yet it pushed on. I almost admired it, so much dedication. This woman was about as attractive as watching your grandmother have sex with a bulldog, and oh my god why on earth did my brain just put that image into my head?
“How should we do this…….Just get straight into it” She finally said after a long silence.
“Oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my
God oh my god oh my god” I rambled to my head again
“O…..K” I replied.
With that she proceeded to put her hand behind her back, unzip her dress and slip out of it onto the floor. No underwear underneath - and I thought she looked bad with clothes on!
This was the first live, in the flesh, naked women I had seen. And I started from the absolute bottom of the garbage dump. First thing I noticed was that a 43 year olds woman’s breasts don’t look like girls from Playboy. They don’t look like breasts. They look like two big flaps of skin falling from the chest. Also a 43 year old woman’s vagina doesn’t look like a Playboy vagina. For starters in the magazines the pubic hair is all shaved or neat and trimmed. Hers went nearly all the way to her belly button and was about as bushy as the Amazon. But the worst thing I discovered, now that she was naked, was that the neck hair wasn’t the only hair trying to escape from her through a mole, there were numerous others making their dashing attempt from the milky way of moles to choose from on her body. She was about as nice to look at as a dirty sewer rat in a blender. Then as I was thinking this it hit me, I invited her over, I invited her in, I agreed that we should just “get to it”, I had to go through with this.
About this time she made a move towards me. I thought fast and said
“First the lights”
Thank the lord in heaven above us all for spray painting the window. It was now pitch black. I then summoned up all my twenty years of sexual frustration and fantasies, and just as she began to kiss me and grab me, I started to bring a collage of images in my head from my favorite celebrities, to about ten of my favorite girls I knew from porno magazines. I let myself go and just went for it. I blocked out the hideous image of her from my head and just concentrated on my collage of beauties and just on how it felt.
Soon we were on the bed and she was tugging off my clothes and kissing me all over. It began to feel kind of nice. I began to get semi-aroused and at about that time felt a warm wet sensation on my penis. It was her mouth and she was sliding it in and out, and it actually felt great. I lay my head back and began to enjoy it. I was even starting to feel like I was going to cum soon, until she then suddenly stopped and said “hang on”.
My eyes were shut but I felt the heat of the lamp coming to life by the warmth on my skin. I looked up just as she was returning to position and was holding my cock in front of the long hair on her neck. Holding it in her old wrinkly hands - which suddenly reminded me of my mothers. I gagged.
“Can we please leave the light off please” I said
“Can you please morph into a woman who won’t make me vomit if I have to look at her anymore please” I thought
“I’m shy” I said, hey I didn’t even have to lie
“Sure if that’s the way you like it, it’s a shame though, you are such a cute young boy” she replied
I reached over and switched it off. By this time I had gone completely soft downstairs. Karen rubbed it a bit but it wasn’t going anywhere. Then I felt her crawling over me before suddenly getting a huge pile of hair shoved in my mouth. After realizing what it was I stuck out my tongue and she began to grind herself on my face. Eventually my tongue wriggled its way into her labia lips and I suddenly got a taste of the sour slimy fishy juice coming out of her.
She began to moan loudly and grind harder and faster, while my face was getting scrubbed by her pubic hair. Then when I thought I could handle this no more she suddenly stopped and said
“Right now my gorgeous young lover, you’re going to get fucked”
I had dreamed of someone saying something like that to me for years. I never imagined it could be with someone so incredibly unattractive, but it still somehow turned me on immensely. She crawled back down my body as my cock was springing back to attention. I felt her callused hand grab it before the wet warmth of it sliding inside of her. She started to ride me up and down and it felt unbelievably good. After only about thirty seconds I felt that familiar sensation build up inside of me and exploded my reproductive fluids inside of her. She sat there like that for about thirty seconds more, just with me inside of her. Then she sighed, got up, turned the light on, and began to put on her dress. Before I knew it she was at the front door dressed and saying to give her a call sometime. As she walked out I could see a stream of my cum dripping down her leg.
I didn’t say anything as she walked out, but she stopped herself briefly a couple of times as she walked to the door, like she was going to say something, but then didn’t. As she opened the door she finally turned to me to say something, and said “You really are a handsome boy Jason, I think one day you will make a women much closer to your age very happy”, then she walked out and let the door close behind her, and she was gone.
I sat on the bed for a few moments contemplating what I had just done, I wasn’t sure if I felt good or bad about it, but then that long neck hair flashed back to my brain, and was just not willing to leave my thoughts, and there was only one thing I could think to do to blur this image in my minds eye. So I jumped out of bed, walked the two steps to the kitchen and grabbed a box of wine from the fridge. I then poured as much as I could into the biggest cup I had, and downed it in about three seconds. I repeated this three more times until I started feeling incredibly bloated and started to get the wave of dizziness straight away. I quickly stumbled to my bed and collapsed and passed out in about two minutes, with just one thought on my mind “Please god let her have been through menopause already”, which is not something most guys are thinking just after losing their virginity, but that was one women I particularly hoped I had not impregnated.
As I slept I had the most visually detailed dream of my life. I was walking down a dark foggy forest trail. I was completely naked and there was angry looking ugly dog like creatures lining the path. They were all growling and showing their sharp angry teeth dripping with saliva. I was scared to death, but not embarrassed about being naked for some reason. Until suddenly they all became cartoon like, jumped up on their hind legs, put one hand over their mouths and one out pointing at me, and proceeded to giggle like little school girls. Suddenly my embarrassment hit me like a runaway hippopotamus and I began to run. But as far and as fast as I ran I couldn’t get away from them, so I ran and ran and ran and ran. Then finally saw a light and ran towards it. It got closer and closer until I ran right into it, and was suddenly out in a bright green large open field.
Then I jumped out of the bed, ran to the sink and vomited about five litters of red wine and stomach acid. It kept coming and coming, bright red! I suddenly began to panic that I was no longer vomiting red wine and had moved onto blood. This made me gag harder, and it still came. It was without doubt the most I have ever vomited. I finally stopped and slumped to the floor, still naked, with vomit and saliva running down my chin onto my chest. I suddenly realized what I had done that morning.
“I fucked the ugliest women in the world’ I mumbled out loud to myself, with a groan and a frown.
Then I suddenly grinned a little.
“I’m not a virgin anymore” I said, louder and clearer than my grumble.
Then my smile widened
“I’M NOT A VIRGIN ANYMORE!”