Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Oh no, not another short cut

Ahhh, a 15 hour flight and for some reason I am thinking about short cuts.

I hate short cuts, but sometimes you have to do something you hate just to you know, remind yourself of why you hate it, you know. But still Short cutting, you are literally cutting short, WHAT THE HELL DID SHORT EVER DO TO YOU, YOU BASTARDS. Sorry. WHAT ARE YOU SOME KIND OF MIDGET HATER? Sorry, sorry.

Anyway, so here goes, I am going to take a short cut on a story, thats right, this story.

Here we go.

It turned out the roommate ate the sandwich.

Oh great. Just great. I take a short cut and immediately I hit a spoiler. DAMMIT.

That was clearly going to be an awesome story. A totally enjoyable fun riddled ride. I can tell merely from the spoiler. Shit, this would have been a really enjoyable AND entertaining blog!!!

Had I not taken that freakin short cut we all could have had a great time. FUCK.

There was going to be at least TWO characters, and we know they were going to live together, cause they were roommates. And stories with at least two characters ROCK. PLUS at least two of them are roommates, like I pointed out, oh my god roommates are always lots of fun, right?

And we missed out finding out if they were like a crazy messy one and an uptight clean one which is like a history proven guide to guenteed funny. Or perhaps it was going to be a flirtatious 'will they or wont they tale', which is enthralling until they do it and it ruins it all, but did I mention enthawlising on the way? It could have been all sorts of twisted and delightful things and we MISSED it. FUCK I LOVE finding out stuff about fictional roommates. Plus, plus, where was this room, ya know? Where? And we missed all that. Stupid short cut. AAAGHHH

Oh and great, I just realized, this story was going to have a Sandwich! Oh my god a Sandwich! And it's been eaten before I even found out what was in the sandwich. That changes SO much. Because if it was say a peanut butter sandwich I personally would have cared WAY more than if it was like some lame turkey sandwich, cause you know, I personally like peanut butter better than turkey, because peanut butter is delicious, to people like me, by which I mean people who enjoy peanut butter. And now the story is ruined, and I don't even know if I should care or not about the sandwich? Damn short cut. ROOOOaaarrr.

Oh crap. So now it hits me, the line is 'it turns out the roommate ate' ect, you know the sandwich bit. 'Turns out'. That phrase is laden, positively ladled with mystery. Oh no, not 'he ate the sandwich', but 'IT TURNS OUT'. Fuck me in the bullet wound, there was going to be suspense and accusations, evidence, possibly clues, like crumbs or something, maybe questions unanswered until someone like answered them and all that, before an eventual SHOCKING 'turns out' which could be like 'oh my holy mother of god it turns out' or even 'shit, forget it CIA it turns out (sarcastic, is the word I just wrote) the roommate' etc, you know ate the sandwich, but you know, some sort of REVEAL, of the sandwich eating. BLLLAAAUUGGGZZZZ

Cocksucking short cut.

So we'll never know, we'll we? The moment is destroyed like some planet we only JUST discovered because someone had to take a short cut.

I feel ashamed people. It was my experiment. My impatience. My fault. I ruined it. I ruined yet another fabulous sandwich mystery. And there can be no turning back. Oh no, once the sandwich is eaten it dont matter if its puked back up, it aint comin back no god damn sadwich. By which I mean it would be like puke made up of sanwhich bits, and there sure in hell aint no fun mystery in regurgetated sandwich tales. The time has passed, and I take the blame.

But as god as my witness (and maybe like the TV in front of me, seeing as I know for SURE that exists) I shall never take a short cut........ again.

Next blog - chance encounters part 1. DAMN IT, FUCKING SPOILER again, grrrrrRRRR!

Oh also check out these blogs o' mine at myspace.com/afleetingforever

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