More more more times saying more!

"Are we end-stopping daaaahlings?"

Oh no I don't think I did this last week, I must bring it back this week, hardcore.

A poor sentence is - Everything turns on a dime.

I know Nate, because that is a fucking lie, and when the lying begins where does it end, like this - in Switzerland people have a nasty habit of licking out the bottom of the fondue bowl and then going out in public kissing street lights which could be a nasty spreader of disease if two fondue eaters kissed the same street light on the same night AND also could be deadly to moths, which would be disastrous.

Now look what I did, because the lying was started before me I have gone and told my own lie and now I have slandered a whole nation in a way which will forever more have people look at them and snicker and then feel sorry for moths. THAT'S how evil lying is. You bastard dime.


I wouldn't want this dropped from a building on me - it hearts your ears, a penny from the top of the Empire State building penetrates deeply into the concrete,

I have heard that about those pennies, but I haven't seen it, and because of that I think there should be a new national holiday where we chuck stuff off the Empire State Building, and I know Letterman does it on his show, but not from that high, and not awesome stuff like cows, and happy coincident.

I know you meant hurts, but I like hearts. In fact I think single people should carry around a toy mushy heart with them the size of a baseball, and when you see someone your attracted to you just throw your heart at their heads, and if they don't want your heart they can just chuck it back at you, and then even though you've just been rejected it reminds you of playing catch with your dad, which will make you shed one single tear, and then have her think your really sweet and sensitive and then she'll go shag some asshole on the otherside of the bar because you know, girls don't like sweet guys they like assholes, and so they'll leave you to wallow in your misery. See how much better that would be than the current system!

I'm baffled by - People's inability to distinguish Civil Rights from Contracts

I think its because they are both C words, and when I see that letter C all I am thinking is cunt, and cock, and coo coo, and cocklenoodle, and once those four dealies have entered my brain then I am off on a journey which takes my imagination down flowing rivers, in front of shiny yet speeding buses, and into space with wings that are arms but which work as wings, and then I am like, what, wasn't I supposed to be thinking of something important?