Two of my best friends and my Ok, intriguing: Hell Yeah! co-hosts birthdays are this week, yay. Happy birthday Faith and Eliza!!!!
So here are some things you may not know about presents
- If you're at a bridal shower dealy and you're on a TV show always buy a vibrator for a gift because that will shock the older ladies you didn't think were going to be there (older ladies on TV only use fingers when cleaning out their ears, cue-tips can cause ear infections, if you know what I mean).
- If the person whom your celebrating works in the steel mines don't buy him the DVD of 'Remington Steel' unless you're POSITIVE he uses a Remington shaver, otherwise no one will get the joke and you've wasted your hard earned gift giving responsibilities
- Always joke around about what you got your friend as a gift by saying things like 'we got a hat from Rip Curl, a pack of condoms for people with tiny penises, and a Whitesnake t-shirt, ha ha ha ha, just kidding' when in fact you're not kidding, cause that way they get to go 'thank fuck you're joking, I'd hate all those girfts' before awkwardly opening them in front of everyone (this actually happened to me when I was younger)(please note except for the condoms I don't actually remember what the rest of the gifts were, too mortified to memory bank that one)(please note also that a Whitesnake t-shirt would suck, but tiny condoms, mmm mmm snug)
- If it's a birthday and they are older than they want to be always get them one of those cards which say 'happy birthday old man!!!' that way you won't be invited back next year, and you don't have to hear them whine about how old they now are (please note I whine about how old I am every year, at least come to my party you pricks)
- If you can't afford a present make a fake coupon book of annoying chores, then wrap it up and put her boyfriends name on the card, cause why would your friend make you buy his girlfriend a present, weirdo
Anyone got any weird/awful/awesome present stories?
Life is short. Or perhaps it lasts for a really, really long time. No one is really sure. Which sucks. If they can't figure that out definitively then what else don't we really know? The perfect size for a jar? What a fuckin' miserable thought. Fuck that. Instead here are the silly, weird, unhinged, absurd, silly, stupid, completely unrelated to hinges (moslty), poorly edited, outpourings and thought vomits of a silly idiotic teddy-bear of a dickhead. Staring David 'Pinky-Von-Sox' Tieck
Friday, July 2, 2010
Didn't die ALL year!!!
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