Friday, October 8, 2010

You may not like it but really should probably hear this

If you get your shoe stuck in gum you probably have spectacularly weak calf muscles!

If you head-butt a tyrannosaurus your fear of horns is probably in direct contrast to your time-machine building skills!

If a tyrannosaurus gets its foot in gum someone probably packed really impractically for a time-travelling trip!

If Homer Simpson were here right now he’d probably say ‘d’oh’ because that’s his catchphrase, and therefore statistically speaking the single most likely thing that he would say at any random point of time!

Math is probably awesome, especially statistics!

If you built a spaceship out of knives that were used to stab people you should probably question the security at the police stations murder weapon storage facilities!

If you’re out in public and your outfit is made up entirely of contrasting stripe patterns you should probably have also included some sort of cloth or material!

If to you ‘happiness’ is defined as ‘a million little paper cuts’ then you should probably purchase an alternative dictionary!

If you regularly dance on the graves of rivals you probably have a weird ability to find a danceable beat in graveyard living bird’s songs while simultaneously have a strange pattern of forming rivalries with the terminally ill!

If you feel like it’s been way too long since you’ve had a quiet night in you’re probably not deaf!

Buying a gun is probably not a good way to honor the contributions of the first ever varnish bottle elected to the senate, and frankly you should be spending more time questioning voting patterns than honoring the victors! Hell Yeah you should!

If you drink so much you vomit it’s probably still better than if you vomit so much you decide you may as well get drunk, and yet neither are as alarming as vomiting so much you decide to take up embroidery! I mean how old are you?

Sometimes the truth is tough to take, but someone probably should say it!

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