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What Jim Carrey was really saying to Emma Stone

on August 25, 2011

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"Cutting off a penis can be fatal."

For a fleeting moment I was glad I didn't get my penis anywhere near a girl till I was was comfortably not a teen

AN Indonesian teenager chopped off his penis and tossed it down a well after learning his girlfriend intended to marry another man.
The 19-year-old from a village in Central Java was lucky to survive the self surgery, health authorities said.
"He arrived at the hospital last Thursday in critical condition from blood loss," Cilacap General Hospital Director Sugeng Budi Susanto told local media.
"Cutting off a penis can be fatal."
Doctors were unable to re-attach the dismembered member because villagers could not find it.
The teen spent several days in intensive care but is now in recovery, Mr Sugeng said.
He had not spoken to anyone about the incident, Mr Sugeng said.
"He's still too shocked and embarrassed to talk to or see anyone."

How can you be so cold?

This past week, as part of my life goal to have endless adventures to make up for the chronic lack of physical affection I receive the from fairer sex, I went on a vacation based around studying, identifying, discussing, and basing happiness around the various states of frozen and horribly sometimes unfrozen water. Yep, I went to the snow.

Skiing in Australia is a particularly strange pastime. The fact that our continent is one enormous inhabitable desert surrounded by hot sunny beaches all under a hole in the ozone so harsh that if you try and moon a car full of teenagers your butt cheeks instantly sprout a farm of skin cancers leaves snow sport enthusiasts in an understandable state of utterly expecting that the tiny hills we almost ironically call the ‘Snowy Mountains” will have the perfect skiing conditions all the time.

The reality of course is that we have two main categories of “snow”
- Solid bricks of ice and
- Melted hills of slush.

Of course this is if you can find eithe…

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What Jim Carrey was really saying to Emma Stone

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