Wednesday, April 11, 2012

Unsung hero of the week

A would like to offer a quick salute to 'Gregarleo' the first man ever to realize that if you randomly take your shirt off a lot in public someone will eventually make a sculpture of your torso.

As I am sure you are aware, immediately after Gregarleo debuted his fearless avant-garde use of shirtlessness, countless inventions, many of which we still cherish today, were created to aid and enhance the shirtlessness experience, things like:
- T-shirts, which were invented for men to get shirtless as quick as possible whenever a sculptoror is rumored to be near
- Ab implants, still the only way to acquire a six pack
- The phrase 'do my back moles look cancerous to you?'
- David Beckham, who was invented to immediately take off his shirt after any game of soccer regardless of how cold it may be
- Horses, which were invented to climb upon so more people could see you once you’d taken your t-shirt off.

Of course it was Caesar himself, at the time a lowly flag waver in the New Roman Green Berets, who upon sensing that a fellow soldier moonlit as a sculptoror spontaneously jumped up on a horse, whipped off his t-shirt and screamed to the battle faring army around him ‘show no mercy on this battle field, for our enemy, those unarmed villages down there, they are pure evil, and evil has no heart’.

And later that night it was a newly promoted Sergeant Caesar of the 34th Airborne who sensing a fellow celebrator sculpted when he was drunk spontaneously jumped up on the pool table in the bar, whipped off his t-shirt, and screamed ‘tonight we celebrate, for today we stuck a stake right into the heart of evil, you know those unarmed villagers we murdered today.’

Inconsistency of information about the anatomy of evil aside, we remember Caesar for his splendid, implant enhanced abs, because of the shirtless statues a bunch of drunks made that night, and sculptors of shirtless men finally escaped the underground avant-garde world and entered the mainstream, and so it is often Caesar who gets the credit for inspiring the movement.

Gerebero, sadly does not get the honor he deserves. Maybe because after Caesar took all the glory Gerebero realized that if you randomly take your jeans off a lot in public someone will eventually make a sculpture of your penis, starting a far less liked movement.

Well I choose to remember Gerebero the younger man, as he appears in the statue of him sitting in front of the delapetated Church on Oxfordshire Rd in Auckland, waving his t-shirt above his head, flabby but ‘natural’ abs jiggling widly, jeans firmly secured by a fine handcrafted belt, and riding upon one of the early models for the horse, which at the time was just a bunch of David Beckhams sticky taped together.

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