10. ' Bread and Spread Magazine' and their ‘Top Ten Spreads for 2013 Breads’. Let’s face it, who didn't shed a tear when they saw that Countypool Dreamsted Home Crafted Orange, Lime and Cranberry Sweet Marmalade’ was finally knocked off the top spot by something called 'peanut butter'?
9. 'Cars, Cars, Cars, Cars, Cars, Cars and Bobsled Radio Show' – and their ‘Top 6 Other Forms of Transportation We Probably Should Have Put In Our Magazine Title Instead of that Universally Hated 5th 'car' list’. I know it was controversial, but if you ask me 'walking with aid of a walker' - IS a vehicle, and therefore deserving of its 'special mention slot'
8. 'Sarcasm Magazine' – and their list of ‘Lines in Speeches By Politicians Considered at the Time to Obviously be Sarcastic that Turned Out Weren't Actually Sarcastic’, with top spot going to their truly brilliant expose on Senator Bill Crunes 'I've spent dozens of nights working in a soup kitchen' speech – after it turned out he wasn’t being sarcastic, and he'd actually genuinely spent 23 nights working in soup kitchens, sadly one less than would be required before he could accurately use the plural of the moniker ‘dozen’ plural, and yet twenty three more nights than anyone had could possibly have guessed, you know with Crunes being a dickhead and all.
7.'Rolling Stone Magazine’ and their annual top albums of the year - putting Kanye West's Yeezus on the list, ha ha, just when you think Rolling Stone is becoming irrelevant and they out sarcasm even Sarcasm Magazine.
6. 'Photoshop.com' for their annual 'Did We Do It, or Was is it a Hack Plastic Surgeon?' - and once again making us all both laugh AND spew with their bonus 'both' pics.
5. 'CNN' - for their ‘Biggest Stories of the Year’ - Once again top spot went to a SAD story. That's a million years in a row. Who'd have guessed? Mind blowing.
4. 'Cream Cheese Battles - the reality show' for naming 'Better than a bagel? Arguable, but not Provable' their number one episode of a pretty epic year, who would have thought upon first viewing that 'Toast for Most' could have been beaten? No one, that's who. let alone the truly marvelous 'Bread is Scared' which was simply marvelous TV . Seriously, fuck me if you've got a brain then get the box set, brilliant stuff.
3. 'Spread and Bread Magazine' and their list of ‘Great Spreads Our Rivals 'Bread and Spread Magazine' Ignored This Year’. People say that it's bad form to highlight the mistakes of a rival - this list showed it can also be hilariously inspirational. Seriously ‘Bread and Spread’ how did you miss ‘Nutella!’
2. 'Home and Garden but Let's Face it Mostly Garden' on Sirius radio - and their list of ‘Things in 2013 Purchased for the Home that Ended up in the Garden’, for being the only end of year list to have the balls to mention 'plants'.
1. ‘Plants.com’ for their ballsy 'Things in 2013 We Liked Better Than Plants' list, and their more than ballsy, and yet very honest list, with a top three of 3. Abandoned Warehouses 2. Countypool Dreamsted Home Crafted Orange, Lime and Cranberry Sweet Marmalade 1. Let’s face it, basically everything.
Have a great 2014 people, I'm now gonna go introduce some Nutella to bread, ha ha, be scared bread, be very fucking scared!