Ready to take requests?



All right, all right every body, I've reached the time of the night, and the section of the show, where I am ready to take requests.

Now I know what you’re thinking; you’re thinking that this means that I'm out of ideas, and that I don't have the ability to plan out a full well structured set, and that I'm some kind of fucking loser that needs his audience to plan his show for him, and that obviously I suffer from some sort of lack of confidence in my own artistic output to the point where I need to make up excuses to recite other peoples artistic output, but as requested from you, so it doesn't look like I have any doubts in my mind about what to do, but rather that I'm so happy about my direction in life that I'm happy to give the glory to others ok? I’m right aren’t I? 

Well fuck you, because I don’t want you to think that. Not for one second. I am not that narcissistic. I don’t need to be in complete control all the time. I don't always need to be both the performer and the writer. I am well capable of doing covers while still satisfying by own artistic desires. I mean for example I also like to show off my epic ability to memorize other people’s stuff. Memorization is a genuine skill. So don’t you dare accuse me of taking the easy road by doing something I didn’t write myself. I mean, I want to honor other peoples stuff, and I can’t honor it unless I also perform it brilliantly, which will require me to have memorized it well, there is a lot of skill in these talents, and that’s why this is still MY show, and why it’s still my name on the marquee, even though I am now planning on doing material I did not write, but it’s still mine, ok? So no accusations please? Ok. 

I mean this is live poetry people, and there is no fucking room for insecurity in this game, so why would you accuse me of being insecure about the fact I am going to turn to words written by another. Us poets are blessed with both confidence and respect for our fellow artists, well at least I am. I am very blessed in both those departments. The request part of my show has nothing to do with a lack of confidence or respect, and definitely is not a sign I possess any insecurity, because I don’t.

I mean check this out:

Surprised was the desperate man
Awed by the sweet opulence
Like a handful of virgin sand
He had no lack of self confidence

Yes motherfucker, I JUST improvised that poem now! Or did I? Maybe it's the most famous poem ever written about sand, yet you don't know, because you don't know anywhere near as much about poetry as me - that could be the Mona Lisa of poetry for all YOU know. But I know, cause I know this game.

Just for the record, that was me. I just improvised that; it wasn’t even like a poem I pre-wrote. But you probably, given that I am explaining to you how there is nothing wrong with doing a poem written by someone else, guessed that it was actually the Mona Lisa of sand referencing poetry, so as far as your knowledge of poetry goes I've proven I'm the Leonardo Di Vinci of poetry - so don't you dare judge me on taking requests rather than continuing on with my own pre-planned stuff. And don’t you accuse me of having doubts about my ability. Most poets, as you now know, aren't as iconically brilliant as me, and I'm trying to give a leg up to the strugglers for god sake by performing some of their poems, as requested by you.

I mean check this out:

I was in Iran that afternoon
I never even entered the saloon
But I was parched
Maybe my car was poorly parked

Well known genius who will be honored for ever? Or something I just improvised?

I'll give you a minute to think ...

Wrong!!!

It was BOTH!!!

So fuck you for suggesting I shouldn't take requests – I mean seriously fuck you. Plus, again, that was an improvised poem, right in the moment, so not even as good as I can be, if I have time to structure, and choose my words carefully. And it was still brilliant. So I've already PROVEN that I can improvise epically brilliant poems that will be remembered forever, so why would taking requests undermine that? My stuff is excellent. I am not trying to avoid it at all.

I mean, wait:

Empty like an empty vase devoid of flowers
Or like a powerless man who's devoid of powers
Or like, like an unshowerd man who hasn't had a shower
If I lived up high I’d hope it was in a tower

I mean that's utterly genius, and I literally just came up with it, like on the spot - so I don't need to take requests - I choose too. I think every line of that rhymed too. Did anyone remember exactly what I said? I should record this stuff as I say it into this microphone, you don’t want to forget genius stuff that you improvise in front of an audience. And yet, of course I already have plenty of stuff I’ve written to fill more than a whole show. I am not reaching for material at all.

So come on, yell out a request or two. Not that I need you too. I could fill the rest of this show with my own poems easily. EASILY.

You know what? I’m sensing a lack of enthusiasm from you people, for yelling out requests. You can't think of a poem as good as my poems to request can you? That's what's holding you back isn't it? You’re thinking ‘sure this guy is very secure in his own abilities, and yet also wants to honor other poets by showing off how well he can memorize and then perform their poems, and this in no way signifies that he has any lack of confidence in the poems he has written himself, which he is choosing not to recite, to instead take requests, but I just can’t think of any poems by anyone that are better than the ones he just improvises on the spot, let alone how good they may be if he took the time to sculpt them in poetic perfection?’

Wow. That’s what you are thinking isn’t it? Wait, you know it occurs to me that this means I'm officially your favorite poet! I mean if you can’t think of a poem you’d like me to perform that you consider better than those ones I just improvised, then clearly that means I am your favorite. And not just of this era, but of all time, because I just asked for requests, not even for contemporary requests, or within a familiar genre. Aww man, shucks, that's awesome - you guys rule,

Wait, people. Seriously that makes me happy. You know what? Instead of taking a request now, why don’t I improvise something for you, like special just for you guys:

You are all really awesome
Like a diseases free possum
You all love me so much
I want to drive a car with a clutch

Yes, I did! I just improvised that RIGHT now, for you! You’re so welcome, and you know what? I've learned something today; you people don’t want me to do a request section of my show. You just want me. And I’ll honor your wishes. I may never, even take requests again. Thank you all.

And that’s all the time I have left sadly. I hope you liked my show? You did didn’t you? Come again one day please. Not that I need you too, I’ll sell tickets regardless, I’m sure. So I assume you’ll all rush out to buy them to avoid missing out. Wow. A sell out. Thanks.  

Good night.
Follow the exit light.

Wait, I didn’t even mean to make that a poem. Wow. I AM good.

Comments