Sunday, November 2, 2014

The bunny equation

As a dedicated and extremely renown social philosopher and behavioral scientist I am privy to a lot of information, mostly information that I discover on my own, because few people are informed on the type of information I hope to have insights on. Over the course of my career I've been able to study and identify many different and unique human traits that few before me would have even imagined to be true, like consider this discovery I made - most people wouldn't enjoy having a giant bird eating spider trapped in their pantaloons. Seems obvious now, but before me no one had even considered bringing pantaloons into the equation, most scientists were too stuck on pants. 

Which brings me to my next epic discovery: 

It turns out that if you dedicate a full page of your personal diary per day to one by one discuss in detail the individual specific needs, desires and dreamiest fantasies of every hair on a bunnies tummy then, well I have three things to say about that:

1. Good for you - dedication is an awesome quality. 
2. Good for you - the tummy is awesome, most people who do this are cliche and stick to the boring and supersaturated ear hairs. 
3. How do you pick your order? 

Now I know what you're thinking - what about the bunnies needs? Well I have three things to say about that:  

1. Seriously that's you're thinking about? 
2. I mean why wouldn't the bunny enjoy this? 
3. Why worry about the bunny but not the pen ink? That comes from tree sap doesn't it? Or squid? Or blue tongue lizard tongue? Wait blue tree sap? That sounds awesome. 

I think the lesson is that if one in seventeen free towels handed out at the gym contained dangerous levels of soaked up battery acid then MORE people would go to gym. I base this on three key reasons. 

1. I mean sweet you've found a gym with free towels!! 
2. Lists in threes are awesome!
3. Awww, bunny. 

Time for me to depart, I've just had a brilliant and crazy idea for my bird eating spider study - brace yourselves - breeches!!!

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