Friday, January 23, 2015
A weeping ha of guilt
Alright I get it, today is the best day of my life, but it can't possibly be for everyone, and that's a crying shame.
And it's a crying that it's a crying shame, but screw that, I'm a little bored with shame coming in a crying variety, I'm ready for a whole new brand of shame. A cankerous shame? An undermining shame? A salvational shame perhaps? Maybe a shame aura? No no no, wait, I've got it a maniacal shame!
Yes, YES, YYYEEEESS!! That's the type of shame I could really salivate over WOO HA HA.
I mean I do love a good crying shame still, don't get me wrong about that, in fact it's one of my favorite motivations for crying. Way better than mourning, or being badly injured or acting like a little girl you pussy you're a grown man for fuck sake, shut up Kevin I'm allowed to be upset I was enjoying that bag of peanuts.
I'm not looking to limit shame, but rather expand it, and especially the available highly emotional varieties of it, because let's face it, people don't feel shame anywhere near as often as they used to, and I think maniacal shame could really get some conversations started.
'Why are you l laughing manically?'
'I hit a parked car and didn't leave a note'
'What? That's awful!'
'Woo ha ha, I know, I'm utterly disgusted with myself'.
Wow, isn't that intriguing? Don't you want to know more? Don't you have questions you'd like answered?
This could really take off, and shame could really get back to the forefront of our daily emotional spectrums where it belongs.
Here are some easy fun tips to get started with feeling maniacal shame:
- Steal something that really matters to someone you really care about, and find it both awful and hilariously evil.
- Mug a bride for her flowers, and when she cries 'WHY?' Say 'to distribute to hospital patients' but then sell them instead, but give the money to soup kitchen, and then put a hair in one of the bowls of soup.
- Own a Maserati