The awesomest day of my life - steady as she goes

Notes from the best day of my life and especially the parts of it that took place on a train. 

- I'm on a train right now. As I write this that is. I'd hate for someone to read this in 92 years and think I was currently on a train then. Not that I promise not to be on a train then. I could be if I wanted. I'm just not sure what I'm doing that day yet. I'm sorry but I only plan my days in 40 year chunks. I find to do otherwise can take some of the spontaneity out of your life, and I'm just not going to do that. I've got 27 years left of '5 hours of daily rollerblading' to get through to take up my time. Who knew those wouldn't last? 
- there's a lady talking ridiculously loud and rudely on her phone to someone. 
- Actually I assume she's not actually on the phone to anyone, but rather yelling at someone sitting in the bottom of a pool three miles away. 
- 'just man up and don't read anything'. That's direct quote from her. Now I want her dead. 
- oh it turns out she is talking about her charity work with kids with autism. 
- well I knew that before I slammed her, but I didn't think anyone would take my side if you knew in advance I was the asshole. 
- For the record I have lots of empathy for autistic people. Loads. 
- and that's tough because many of them have zero ability to feel empathy, so as soon as I empathetically start to feel their pain the empathy immediately goes and then I get stuck in a vortex where I don't know what is going on. 
- Oh fuck, I'm not making fun of autism, I'm really not. I just wanted her to talk at perhaps a human volume. 
- oh shit, is that a symptom of Autism? Is she not just a warrior for the cause but also a victim? 
- oh cumbucket, if that's not one of the symptoms then it'll sound like I was being mocking of the autistic for asking. 
- I have to stop talking about this. 
- why does everything I say now seem very easy to twist so it feels like a joke at the expensive of autism?
- That's NOT my intent, desire or goal I swear.
- Or is no one thinking that about me at all?
- Am I just being paranoid?
- Oh fuck is paranoia a sign of autism? 
- Just stop fucking talking about it Dave. 
- yes I know that I could just delete all these words and write about something else but I'm nearly at my destination and if I start over I might not be able to say these are things that took place during my train trip. 
- she's off the phone now so it may be alright. 
- ok, for the record when I started this I was going to point out that the train was going really slow and then I was going to say 'you can cut the tension with a knife, everyone on this train is thinking the same thing - someone will soon get a call and inevitably say on the phone "yeah, we're going at snails pace" then we'll all laugh at this observation which is humorous because of the delicately well applied use of exaggeration, given that the train, while going slow by its own standards, is still progressing comfortably swifter than the pace a regular snail may go, but we all picture the train actually going that slow, as crazy as it sounds, or even crazier we can imagine a snail going as fast as this train - but who's going to get the phone call allowing them the chance to make this hilarious quip first'?
- That's why I was listening into phone calls. Because I didn't want to tell that story unless I heard someone actually say 'we're going at snails pace'.
- Thats until this lady started talking so loud no one could hear anything but her. 
- the closest I'd heard to the snail line was 'I'll tell you this, the Hare better be worried, because we're going so slow that we're gonna steadily kick its ass'. 
- which was actually kind of clever. 
- So I'm going to take credit for it, because I made it up and I don't like the idea of my quip being credited to a fantasy commuter. 
- I'm pathetic.
- Which I think definitely is NOT a sign of autism. 
- phew. 

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