Hello everyone, today was the best day of my life. I had play rehearsal, I ate delicious food, I went for a walk by the water, oh it was my birthday, I watched some TV. You know, the usg (fun abbreviation for ‘usual’). But while normally I talk about why the day was the best of my life without any tangents, or distractions, today will be no different, because I don’t think enough people spend enough time thinking about how tough it would be to have someone spit lava at them, and frankly I say ENOUGH!
It wouldn’t be fun ok.
Sure it seems like fun, there is a volcano there probably, it’s most likely erupting, or someone has dug a really, really, really deep hole in it to get to the lava, which probably means they have some awesome type of digging device, like a shovel made of awesomenessous, or possibly tin, which is a metal people don’t talk about enough is you ask me but why? What are they trying to hide? Awesomenessous ability to dig? Yeah, you fuckers, I’m onto you.
So yeah, it seems like fun, but it’s not. Want proof? Well check out this list of things that seem like they would be fun:
- Going to a movie.
- Playing touch football.
- Eating ice-cream.
- Holding hands.
Want more proof? Well check out this list of things I forgot to tell you about that list above:
- It’s not a good movie.
- Someone is gonna take it too seriously in an annoying way.
- It’s not your favorite flavor, your third favorite at best.
- They need to trim their nails!
Still think having someone spit lava at you would be fun? Well check out this list of things that mean it may not be:
- There is bound to be some saliva mixed in with the lava.
- Spitting on people isn’t nice.
- Lava is sometimes hotter than it looks, and it looks pretty damn hot.
- If they’re doing something that’s not nice, maybe they aren’t your real friend, and therefore maybe this fun adventure to the volcano isn’t as cool as you’d hoped because you’re not sharing it with a true friend.
- If they’re not getting burned in the mouth by the lava they are probably some form of devil, or space robot alien, or good at special effects and practical jokes.
- Maybe after this you have to fill in the hole, and tin shovels are crap for filling stuff in.
- If they are getting burned in the mouth by the lava, they are probably going to bags all the ice-cream.
Thanks for all the birthday wishes everyone. If I take you on a trip to a volcano with you now, I promise that I won’t spit lava at you. That means we are officially true friends. Awww.