Hello everybody and welcome to another exciting day of the best
day of my life, the show where everyday is the best day of my life, because I
choose for it to be. Featuring:
David Tieck - as David Tieck the man enjoying the best day of
David Tieck’s life.
Today - as the day in question called today for today.
Life – as the choice of existence.
Robotics – as the back up choice of existence if the original
choice runs out of batteries, and there aren’t any stores near by that sell
batteries, or perhaps even if there are stores nearby that sell batteries but
they overcharge for them, it’s the exact same product as they sell at the other
store, why the price disparity?
Chase the Beaver – as David’s sidekick the Chipmunk. Of course
as you know, on TV a beaver looks way more like a chipmunk than a chipmunk ever
could, but in real life you get a beaver to play your chipmunk sidekick and
people say ‘I love your chipmunk sidekick, looks like a beaver’ and that’s rad.
Donald – as the security guard hired by Chase the Beaver to stop
people chasing him all the time. And yes, he knows he could easily go by ‘Chas’
or ‘has’ or ‘esahc’, but why should he change his name, it’s the people who
feel the need to make his name literal who are the real assholes.
Dave Tieck – as David Tieck’s subconscious. Very good David, you
are beginning to feel my persuasive powers, soon I will take over your body and
we will rule the galaxy side by side, only with you being less by my side and
instead just being a little annoying voice in ear that I can easily silence by
straitening out a paperclip and poking you with it.
A piece of paper – as a piece of paper.
A guitar – as a guitar
And last and not least.
A can of coke zero – as a can of constantly exploding anecdotes,
some of them about gummy bears!!
On today’s episode of the best day of my life, today was the
best day of David’s life for countless reasons, including but not limited to:
- I wasn't stabbed today, not even once, and I'm very stabable,
because I have really soft skin, and most people who like to stab people are
persistently worried about blunting the sharpness of their blade on callouses,
suntan, cancerous moles and other common harsh skin irritations.
- I did drink in a lovely vista, and I wasn’t even thirsty, at least
not for vistas. Although I was hungry for a vista, but the chef said he’d run
out of dew covered meadows, but he promised a new shipment is coming in
tomorrow and he wouldn’t dream of serving them all without serving one to me
first.
- I was only mildly dethroned from the kingdom of kingship,
which would suck if I wasn’t also epically throned at the kingdom of
kingspaceship!
Now I am off to bed, because I’m f’n tired, turns out it’s
really hard to get a good rest when the people around you are for some reason
constantly chasing chipmunks.
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