I got accused of thinking the worst about stuff once. Like the
‘worst’ and that’s like the worst thing you can be accused of, because it’s
literally the worst.
It was utter bullshit too, that guy who said that probably only
said that because he's part of an international conspiracy of depraved
carnivorous scum buckets who have set themselves a cynical goal of finding a
sweet boy and berating him with cruel taunts designed specifically the
undermine and contaminate his gentle disposition till he questions his own
sanity and starts to filter his lovely contemplations through a sponge of anger
and disturbingly changing philosophy, fucking bastards. How dare they?
That was before this day of my life project, of course, which
was designed to keep that organization at bay, and it’s working splendidly. I
hardly even think about them more than a couple of hours a day now. In fact,
now do I not only do not see or think the worst, I often instead see and think
the BEST, in all manner of possible scenarios and situations.
Like today for instance. I was mad at myself for a little while,
because my acute social anxiety that was twitching a little. And I was all like
‘I shouldn’t feel these feelings anymore god fucking damn it, you fucking
loser, still can’t eat a fucking burger in a café without feeling like everyone
is judging the shit out of you, by which I mean, judging you poorly, you tool’.
But then I thought ‘oh wait, not think the best possible
scenario, rather than that one you just thought, which although is probably
real, it not the best possible truth.
So yeah, it turns out everyone was judging me, only instead of
judging me unfavorably, they were judging me FAVOURABLY! Hell fucking Yeah! And
then right after I thought that a grizzled old waitress called me ‘sweet heart’
you don’t call someone ‘sweet heart’ if you’re judging them adversely.
It felt good to think that. Yay.
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