There are pigeons at the zoo.
You don't need to be there little buddies.
This doesn't need to be your home.
The zoo isn't for you.
You're a free bird.
Fly little birdie fly.
Besides no one wants to see you here.
You're not pretty enough.
You're too common.
You're free and ugly and common.
That'd actually be a good name for a novel or something.
Hey you, this is a pigeon here, hey, um shut up.
I said shut the fuck up.
No you said 'hey you, this is a pigeon here, hey, um shut up'.
Well if you knew what I said then why did you say 'what'?
It was, you know, what do you want?
Oh, well alright. Well for starters I wanted to tell you that I get a lot of ass, quality ass, and in my species that's where all the fun stuff happens, so ugly? Well fuck you, and your close minded judgment. Plus common? You bet your ass. Did I mention how much ass I get? Well let's just say that they don't make no condom that feels good in a pigeons ass, you got me?
Yeah, I do, sorry. Ew. Pigeon ass. Shudder.
Um, what? You fuck.
I SAID PIGEON ASS SHUDDER! That's how you repeat something bitch.
What's your problem buddy?
Look, I was just trying to encourage you, to explore man, to leave the zoo. This is for caged animals, don't be a caged animal if you don't have to be. Be wild, like an owl or something.
Like an owl? Are you stupid? Owls live here man, at the zoo.
Only some of them man.
Of course. They're out there catching mice, talking wise, and spreading hooty cries!
Wow that sounds awesome, that could even be the name of a novel or something. Plus I have always kind of wanted to be an owl. Have you seen their necks? I could have FUN with that, if you know what I mean?
I think we're on the same page pigeon friend.
Me too, you're actually kind of awesome.
It was the best day of my life. Still, pigeon ass? Shudder.