Thursday, March 5, 2015

Ducked under a bullet

I've come to the conclusion that if I had a bird beak instead of a left ass cheek the following would also be true:

- I'd find it hard to find comfortable pants.
- I’d find it hard to find a comfortable chair.
- Worms would look at me funny.
- Like I mean more funny than they currently do.
-Which is already pretty funny.
- Suspiciously funny.
- So if they looked at me more funny that would be very unnerving.
- And I like my nerves to stay nerves, frankly once they get unnerved then I don’t know what the hell I’ve got.
- Assholes would probably use puns around me more.
- Like 'who's hungry? I'm feeling peckish'.
- Oh ha ha. Dicks.
- I wouldn't want to go to jail.
- Like even less than I do now.
- You know, caged like a bird, ha ha ha. Wise assess.
- And just because I used the word ‘asses’ doesn’t mean that’s an excuse to say more mean things about my ass.
- Fucking assholes. 
- I'd find it hard to find a comfortable bike seat.

Oh man. That would suck. Thankfully only my right ass cheek is actually a bird beak. Man, dodged a bullet. It’s the best day of my life damn it.

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