I should have known something was up when they announced that as the plane was full they'd be enforcing the two carry ons only rule we'd all agreed to at check in, and he didn't proceed to still carry onto the plane a full suitcase, three bags of shopping, two purses and a Buick. Something was up indeed. And for once it wasn't the raccoon entail soup I can't seem to remember that I do not enjoy eating.
Yep, it had happened, there was a weird force of a man on my flight, the kind of man you hear about but never dream you'll share a flight with, a man as rare as Sasquatch taking a bath, that filthy animal (Fun fact: Sasquatch's long held fear of bathes is where the term 'you filthy animal' originated), the type of man who you would totally live tweet about, if the promised Wi-Fi actually worked, because this is the type of man so rare on a plane that EVERYONE would want to read about it - yep, I got to share a flight with another human being who was NOT an epic selfish cunt.
Now calm down...
- 'That's not a real thing'
- 'Your a lying filthy animal'
- 'I've flown before, EVERYONE, is a total selfish cunt, and I like to complain about it and yet still be really selfish and cunt like myself'
- 'Yeah, ok, so he was just a demanding prick then?'
I hear you all screaming.
Well in response...
- It is real.
- Nice try on using that fun fact but 'your a lying filthy animal' is not the same as 'you filthy animal' (fun fact: 'your a lying filthy animal' originated after it was discovered that Sasquatch is scared of using the correct simple contraction of 'you' and 'are') But it does exist I tell you.
- You don't get to complain AND be a total selfish cunt, just treat other people like you'd like to be treated you dicks.
Get this - he didn't even attempt to board till his row was called, he only... wait no, I'm not going to go ahead and list all the things that make being a decent fellow traveller entail, you know that, unless you're not lucky enough to fly places like I am, sorry I didn't mean to boast, plus 'entail' that's right it's Raccoon 'Entrail' soup I like, not Raccoon Entail, no wonder my lunch hasn't been staying down. I might stop eating Raccoon soup all together till I can learn to pronounce simple middle of word Rs.
Today was the best day of my life, because I got to fly from LA to Chicago with another decent human being. Although to be honest I made him up, and I'm a little disappointed in myself that even in my imaginary world I made him a him, but I can't be bothered to go back and change his sex now. Plus, when they announced four times that they won't be allowing extra carry on baggage, why the hell did the woman with a full suitcase, three shopping bags and two purses get let on instead of crucified against the wall as a warning to other potential cunts?
Women! Am I right? (Fun fact: 'Sasquatch's long held fear of pronouncing 'women!' and then people not agreeing that he's correct about things right after pointing this out, is where the phrase 'Women! Am I right?' Originated).
Great phrase originator that Sasquatch, bit of a sexist.
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