Sunday, April 26, 2015

Square on dispirit

Delta spirit trash can! 

Now that I've got that off my chest it's time for us to talk about your current strong sense of dispiritness angled firmly towards the sea urchin. 

Yes I know it's not angled directly towards the sea urchin, but it's close enough and I think we can stop this before its angled square on towards the sea urchin, which could be very bad, very bad indeed! Well not in any tangible way, but still, square on sounds bad. 

So here's what I'm going to offer you in return for your promise to lay off the urchins: 

- My thanks on behalf of the Sea Urchins. 
- A card entitling you to a silent declaration of sea urchin disappointment, that you can use at anytime no questions asked.
- A slice of ham.
- A Boyz To Men tape. 
- The Sea Urchins thanks on behalf of me. 
- $3.27 in small change (please note: if some of this turns out to be rusty then it is STILL legal tender, and it's not my fault if your local store won't accept it). 
- A kids toy that's both fun and educational (please note: how much your educationated by this toy will be at least in part dictated by how much you currently know). 
- A block of cheese, a SQUARE block! So that should satisfy any 'square' lust. 
- If you dye your hair a drastic color and then your roots grow out, and that contrast turns out to not be a good look for you, I'll give you at least a week to fix it before we mock you. 
- A full three weeks to pay back that $3.27 I lent you, before I start charging interest, which will only be a daily minimum of $5 so nothing to worry about. 

So lay off the friggin urchins you pricks. Dispirited feelings can be very dispiriting! Please note: if I miscalculated your feelings of dispirit towards sea urchins at any point in this blog them I am sorry, but if you didn't have any dispirit for me to bribe away please consider this list of generosity to unavailable to you. Oh and...

Alpha soul garbage heap! 

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