So the legend was true, the stone did engender revelations. Great revelations! Revelations that revealed great truths. Truths about cheese cake for example.
I had to try it myself. So I waited patiently for my turn. Hours passed. Long hours. For this was the stone of revelation, it didn't feel right to fuck around on my phone while waiting. And besides my phone was low on battery. Too many apps left on I think. Or maybe it's just time to update my phone. You know they purposely make your battery not last but not be swappable so you'll do that. It's really wasteful. Although you can recycle your old phone, but I never do, so I'm no better than the corporations who make them.
Finally it was my turn. But I let a couple of people pass. I'd been struck, am I wasteful? I hardly ever boil my KFC bones to make soup, one time I used a girls name three times in one sentence but then when I ran into her again a few years later I couldn't remember her name, and another time I went to Disneyland and there were a couple of rides I couldn't be bothered to wait in line for because they were kids rides, maybe I AM wasteful.
My turn came up once more, but I obviously needed more time to ponder this. I saw a man wearing a t-shirt once that bore the slogan 'Haste Not Waste' and then underneath, in smaller print to clearly indicate lesser importance it said 'that rhymes so you know it's smart'. At the time of seeing this I didn't think too much about it, because of the smaller print and all, but now it Struck me - 'Telephone Battery' rhymes with 'Fella Lone Hattery' - Guys with no friends that have turned their living room into a hat making studio often like chicken soup when they are sick with the flu - girls don't like it when you forget their names - therefore you don't impregnate them resulting in kids forcing you to wait in line for certain rides at Disneyland!
It all made sense. Too much sense, almost as though I'd forced my examples to fit the theory I was trying to prove retroactively with clever connection grabbing. But that's silly, that would undermine the entire philosophical journey towards discovery I had found myself on. And I wanted to overmine this shit, mine it all the way to revelation!
I let a few more people pass. I'd forgotten what I was even in line for, I was too focused on engendering a revelation. But I was lost. I'd hit a dead-end. I even tried to use retroactive connection grabbing, but the best I could come up with was discovering that you can overuse apps, you can overwear caps but you can't put a cap on an app, unless it's a financial cap, which would be a good idea if you have kids with access to smartphones, but no one has kids anymore because of the name forgetting thing.
It was futile. The track had led to a river without a bridge, and no lifeguard so swimming would be too dangerous. Ah man. Fuck! I never get to have a fucking revelation. These are fucking hard. I'm just a man for fuck's sake. There should be like a rock or something that makes it easier. Damn it. Boo! Its not fair. How come everyone but me gets revelations? And how come everyone but me gets delicious chunks of cheese cake?