Saturday, May 23, 2015

An Amazing Discovery

I made an amazing discovery today. It's truly remarkable, and I am left with a dilemma, a tough decision a Sophie's choice even, do I:

A. Keep this for myself and exploit it for money and fame? Or 
B. Share it with the world and bask in the joy it spreads like fairy dust released in volcanic eruption levels?

Well keen observers and happy well wishing regular readers here at David Tieck and his Fleeting Forever, will know that there really is no question which of those I will choose. While I do covert fame and the fortune that comes with it, and having even had a taste for both, a small bite that came with a residual hangover that is a rabid like lust for more, and a willingness to step on your own grandmothers neck just to peak at more of it from a slightly high set window, there is still no way I could turn down the opportunity to play a part in a earth covering volcanic eruption. Cause that sounds bad ass. 

So here goes, here is the amazing discovery I discovered that you are about to discover as shared by me: 

Step 1. Take any boring ass anecdote from your life. Anything at all. 
Step 2. Add Sri Lanka
Step 3. Boom! You're now interesting! 

Ok, so I know most of you are no longer reading. Your minds have been blown, and you've bolted away from
your reading implement, and are currently pulling some dusty old anecdotes out of your sock draw and are going to mend them up with Sri Lanka, pull them on, and race them around to your next social engagement ready to be the coolest person there. And I support this. But a few of you are skeptical. I'm fine with this too, if not for possessing an unwillingness to accept brilliant new ideas right away you may already be 'liked' by other people, and not even have any need for this little piece of magic.  And I'm here for you too - so to blow off skepticism here is proof. 

Step 1. (A boring ass old anecdote. This is a true boring as shit tale from my life) So I'd been lost in the jungle now for three months living off nothing but raw snake guts, having learned to sit still in a meditative state for days on end until the snakes had made home in my lap, before suddenly striking at their bellies with  my teeth so fast that the first mouthful was in my intestines before the snake could even blink, you know because they don't have eyelids. Sure I could also have eaten the flesh of the hundred and fifty men from the local guerrilla militia that had ambushed and attacked me, only to be defeated in a brutal battle where my bare fists out powered their machine guns, bazookas, tanks, black hawk helicopters and satellite directed heavy artillery. But I'm no cannibal. Plus I used their weapons and their flesh and bones to make a to-scale complete replica of manhattan in 1842, complete with an accurate number of inhabitants, in accurate period costume. It's cool, but it's was starting to smell a bit if I'm honest. Suddenly I was attacked by three giant tigers, I fought them off with my back to them, as it was a sunny day and I wanted to even my tan out. I did not kill them though, because cats are awesome, I instead tamed them, and made them my pets and allies. A couple of aliens were watching all this, and now declared me ruler of the universe. 

Step 2. (Take this story, yes I know.... It's a true story, but BORING as hell, but now add Sri Lanka) Oh, I should mention this all happened in Sri Lanka. 

Step 3. (Boom, you're now interesting) Boom! I'm now interesting!

So get out there everyone, trust me, it's fun as shit. Joy, friends, popularity, likability, happiness, awesomeness and party centers will be all now be yours! It's utterly flawless! 

Ps. I also recommend taking a trip to Sri Lanka, no one likes a liar. 

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