Friday, July 17, 2015

Amazing Developments

One of the great things about being me, and doing what I do, is that amazing opportunities regularly float to me like a balloon in the wind, kid crying because his balloon is gone and all. But sometimes the balloon ends up being a different type of balloon than I was expecting, sometimes it isn't even a balloon at all, but instead it's an opportunity.

I was recently contacted by the world renown scientific organization The Society of Sciency Stuff. Obviously they need no introduction, we've all read their Nobel Prize winning research papers, and who among us doesn't spend at least an hour a day pondering just how they figured out that Black Holes may not be holes at all?? Truely marvelous stuff. And now is where the marvelous turns into the marvtacular (a word The Society of Sciency Stuff discovered!) because they sent me the following letter:

Dear Mr Tieck,

My name is Norman Farleigh, and I am the current Head of Brilliance at The Society Of Sciency Stuff. I'm sure you know who we are, EVERYONE does, but you may not know this, we also know who you are, in fact we are all MASSIVE fans of yours, and we're scientists so we know just how big 'massive' really is.

Now is where things get even more Marvelriffic (our new discovery that we're releasing to the world for the first time with THIS letter to you, congrats). We've all been consumed with love for all your books, devoured your blogs, been moved by your art and poetry, and we've collectively come to a consensus (something that actually comes easy to us, because as scientists we deal exclusively in facts) at our wonderful society we have sixteen members with Nobel Prizes, and twenty two members with, in our opinion, the equally prestigious 'Smart Things, Science and Math and Things Like That Awards'. But having broken down all of your wonderful work, and especially some of your recent scientific insight, we've made yet another amazing discovery (admittedly discovering stuff is something we do almost every day and truly excel at, but this is a particularly amazing one) we've discovered that hidden within the humor and beauty, that seemingly pours out of you both prolifically and consistently brilliantly, you also have a brilliant scientific mind. In fact probably the hundred best scientific minds in the universe are in our organization, and we think you out Science everyone of us. You truly are marveltastic.

Oh fuck, guys, guys, guys get in here, I just discovered ANOTHER ONE! Shit I left the voice dictation on.

We have an offer for you, one that we are all hoping, and even praying (something we only do when we super care about something, or occasionally while watching sports) that you'll take, we'd like to make a series of high budget, brilliantly executed videos to show off some of your scientific knowledge. Please say yes and we'll fly you to a super fancy film studio and give you vast sums of money.

Yours Faithfully,
Norman Fairleigh
Head of Brilliance
The Society of Sciency Stuff

Margaret! Can you come in here, I've finished, how do I send this thing? Also I'm still waiting for that fucking apple cider I asked for, shit I think the voice thing is still on, this technology really is Marvacinating, oh holy hell ANOTHER ONE, Norman Fairleigh, stand up you brilliant bastard, you're a discovery motherfucking MACHINE!!!!!


Wow. You get an offer like that you jump on it. So here is not one, but TWO  exciting episode of my new show, as produced by the magnificent people at the world renowned The Society of Sciency Stuff, ladies and gentleman - You've Been Scienced!

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