Tuesday, September 15, 2015

The Hawk and Condor Arm of Operations

Here at Fleeting Forever we have many areas of operations and sections of expertise, obviously our entertainment production, poetry, essays and general blogging departments are world famous and brilliantly flawless, but we also have the less well known Giant Kite Division, our Assistant To Office Assistant's In Charge Of Training Assistants For Assistant Assistants Department, our New Types Of Pants Development Wing, the Is That Really Your Ear, What Happened To It? Sector, the Things We Wish Could Exist If Not For Fucking Science Branch, and much, much more.

Well our founder, CEO and captor, David Tieck, has asked some of us to come on here and introduce ourselves and let you all know a bit more about the wonderful operation we have here.

So here goes, my name is Carmichael Sand, and I am the head of our Hawk And Condor Arm Of Operations. I have been in my present role for three years now, ever since the previous head, John Damper, came to work one day wearing a handcrafted mouse imitating shirt sleeve his kid had made from him, which was obviously quickly popped off by LambTail, our alpha Hawk, leading to John being shifted to the I Have One Arm, And That’s Okay Division, which thankfully also led to my promotion. It was a fun day, I even didn't mind when LambTail puked a finger on me.

I also spend one day a week helping out in the Buildings I Wish They'd Built Instead Of That Monstrosity Over There Segment, which is nice, because a diverse work life is a fun work life.

In my spare time I'm a homiletic type of guy.

And this is a statement I am willing to stand behind, proudly. And when you're standing behind a statement itself, that takes guts, because it's merely an idea, or sentiment, rather than a physical organism, so if you're not wearing any pants, as I like to be in statement declaring mode, people will see your bits, which I'm less into, a conundrum that has kept me many a time from strong and impassioned statement making.

I'm sure many of you will have read in the news about the day I boldly declared 'I wish to be pelted with pears' only to suddenly hear a mob of green grocers screaming 'aim for his dick!' Ironically that was the day my 'pair' became a giant single swelled bruised and throbbing monolith, which ironically made pant wearing impossible for six weeks, leading to one of the great statement declaration marathons seen since the ancient Babylonians discovered statement making.

Example of a classic Babylonian statement:

'We don't care how we're remembered, how many know what we were called, or represented, or what we invented physically or ideologically, just please remember where we are located, it's very important to us'.

Yes declarations can be powerful, that one in particular is carved into the wall above reception in Fleeting Forever's Where The Fuck Was Ancient Babylon, How Is This Not Well Known? And How Is It Not A Tourist Mecca Like Mecca? Branch, which itself is a subdivision of the Aztecs, They Sound Cool, What Else Is Cool Like That? Department.

Which all goes to make that above statement, about being homiletic, even bolder. For I have stepped back behind the invisible podium, testicles swinging free, green grocers as far as the eye can see, and I am risking it all and making a declaration once again, all this despite not knowing what the word 'homiletic' even means.

Sure I could look it up. But that's not my style! I'm a risk taker, I'm a wild man, I'm a swooner and a ragamuffin, plus having just broken that very sentiment I have discovered that one definition of 'homiletic' is the delivery of sermons, something I would NEVER do!

So I want to thank David Tieck for this opportunity to talk to you all, and tell you about me, and it was nice to meet you all. As for me right now, I'm racing around to the Buildings I Wish They'd Built Instead Of That Monstrosity Over There Segment, it's not my scheduled day there, but I just looked out the window and saw a square building, and I really want the officially submit 'I wish they'd built a round one'.

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