Sunday, September 13, 2015

Tough Times - A Poem

Madeline Richter had a problem.
Her newly invented laser device, the Funger, was so powerful and useful (it could erase memories, it could erase buildings, it could erase governments, it could erase cellulite and it could even erase blame!) that it seemed like she pretty much had to take over the world now. 
Because otherwise her invention wouldn't live up to its potential.

'Ah man, I'll have to pick a second in charge' she thought 'Stephie's my bestie, but Karen is far better at paperwork, typing and unyielding ruthlessness, how do I pick?' She thought.
'If I pick one, the other will get pissed off, and I'll already have the 4.3 billon people who will survive the "great erasing" super angry with me' She thought.
Being a leader sure is hard. 

Plus she wasn't happy with the name she'd given her invention.
Funger? What the hell is that? 
So she had two problems really.

Oh also her friend Tracey had borrowed her Game of Thrones season 2 DVD and neglected to return it within the agreed upon time frame, and she was now going to have to make an awkward phone call.
So three problems. 

Oh, and she was getting her period.
Four problems. 

Although she took offense to a man writing that. 
It's not up to him to declare whether or not her period should be considered a problem.
Sure it's not pleasant, but it's a natural part of her body.
Then again so is snot, that doesn't mean having a lot of it is not a problem. 
Oh so now he's implying there's a LOT of her period?
I know he's not literally saying that.
But implication can be powerful. 
So that's now five problems.

Plus she was having trouble keeping count of all her problems.
So that's eight problems all up. 

She really was having a tough day.
But it wasn't all bad.
Her annoying ex, Greg, had mysteriously disappeared. 
So that's good. 
'And tomorrow it'll be a similar tale for every building north of Arizona' she thought.  

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