Saturday, September 12, 2015

Fly, FLY!

I had an interesting chat today with my good friend Reven, the Bear Headed Raven. 

Well 'chat' is too kind a word, it was really a debate, and by debate I mean vicious argument that had us both bleeding from the ears, and mind you, that's not an entirely awful thing, I wasn't sure if Reven had ears or not. I mean he physically has ears, bear ears, but frankly I'm never sure which parts of him are crow, which parts are bear and which parts are just for show. But that's just part of the parcel in befriending one of these modern hybrid animals. Some mystery, some intrigue, some 'what the hell is THAT oozing from THAT thing'. 

Its fun, it keeps things fresh, but you really hope and try to keep those unique elements to the physical, physiological and phycopathic levels, you don't weird shit oozing from their weird orifices, and other bizarre hybrid animal activity.

Well, you all know how it goes, I don't need to explain it, your bunny faced Salamander drowns, and suddenly you were supposed to 'know' it couldn't breathe in full cafe sized tub of Nutella with no holes poked in the lid? I'm not a scientist friend. Well I am, but I mostly focus on the social sciences, like sociology of personality judging, chemistry between chemicals dueling over a girl, the physics of hat hair, biology and the mathematics that defined the Beat Generation, so I can't be expected to also understand biology! 

Anyway, Reven and I were watching an action movie, where the hero was using action to defeat the bad guys.

Sample dialogue: 

Bad guy - 'You won't stop me!' 
Hero - 'Yeah I will!' 
Bad guy - 'Oh yeah, how?'
Hero - 'Talking!' 
Bad guy - 'That doesn't work on me, look try it'
Hero - 'Ok, um, give yourself in and you'll get a slightly smaller sentence!' 
Bad guy - 'No'
Hero - 'Ah shit, that was my big move' 
Bad guy - 'I know, that's always the big move, that's why I said you won't catch me!' 
Hero - 'Ah yeah? Well, I'm going to dig deep within, and even though I'm normally just a file clerk, it will turn out that I can run fast without instantly snapping my hamstring, and if I can do that, I can take you down with ACTION!' 
Bad guy - 'Not action?' 
Hero - 'Yep.... Action!!!'
Bad guy - 'I can't handle action, I give  myself in!!!'

It was a kick ass movie. Until the debate began. 

Me - 'You know what'?
Reven - 'What?'
Me - 'If that guy hadn't given himself in, and had instead of gone out on a ledge to get away, but then discovered that the ledge didn't go all around, it would have been kick ass if the hero then yelled "your shit out of ledge", right?'
Reven - 'Um, NOT right, why would that kick ass?'
Me - 'Cause it's like a pun on "shit out of luck"'
Reven - 'But he wasn't even in a building'?
Me - 'Yeah, but if he had have been'
Reven - 'But he wasn't!'
Me - 'THAT's NOT THE POINT, I'm saying IF he was you dick!' 
Reven - 'Well if he was, then he he could just fly off the ledge'
Me - 'Yeah, right. Cause flights a thing that exists in the world'
Reven - 'I can fly!' 
Me - 'No way'.
Reven - 'Of course I can, I'm raven bodied, you don't know me at all!!!'
Me - 'Ok, well what's THAT oozing out of THAT!' 
Reven 'It's goful wax oozing out of my glendlehyde'.

And that's when I shoved him in he Nutella jar. Yep, friendship sure is hard. Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah, who wants chocolate pancakes, I have secret ingredient! Zing.

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