Friday, January 15, 2016
While you were out
Expert Contestant: Gumption, halitosis, joulike, numstae, mirchewood, Slick, Xinphole, Glunky, Darnsimple, kwin, Steve, Twiddly, um, Lincostyne, Youltide, Wayne...
Host: Yes folks, that's fifteen, and therefore John takes the round! Congratulations.
Coming up after the break, can our experts come up with even MORE names here on "Stupid Names For Awesome Things, Awesome Things Like Igloos Made Out Of Zebra Dreams, Paper Mache Newspapers With Stories Of Machete Attacks, and Other Awesome Things, and Stupid Names For Those Things, Names Like Parenthesis and Woostishere, and Other Stupid Names Like That" you bet they can, we think, based on history, at least FOUR more!
And now a message from our sponsors...
Commercial voice over with relevant imagery: Hello everyone, let's face it, the world can be a tough ride, and it leaves most of us feeling warn out and disheveled from time to time, and as someone who's been there also, well let me guess - you desire to soak your weary bones in a nice relaxing bath of urine?
I knew it.
However, if your significant other hears you moot this excellent plan, and in a show of bizarre apprehension, replies something the equivalent of - 'you want to bathe in urine? In OUR bath? In our home? The bath I use frequently? Sounds cool, go ahead, only one thing, I think you might be underestimating how much urine that'll take to fill it, want me to grab you a beer from the fridge?'
Well then I think you're going to need to ask yourself the following questions:
1. Do I perhaps need to find myself a less negative and more supportive significant other?
2. Is there somewhere ELSE I can bathe in almost pure urine without the horror of the ordeal of having to drink the six or seven beers required to make that much urine myself?
3. Is that a pussy amount of beers for me to be describing it as a 'horror of an ordeal'?
4. Would that have been better phrased as a simply a 'horrible ordeal'?
5. Um, I feel like I should ask five questions, but I can't think of another one, is that ok?
And the answer to all five of those questions is the same answer - 'YES'! And the solution to all of the issues raised is the same as well - 'why not try a public fountain!'.
Public fountains are chock full of urine, from a variety of sources, so you can soak till you are as tender as a urinal cake, they make excellent attentive lovers, will never ever question your grammar or spelling, especially when you've gone for 'cool sounding' over technically correct, and are covered in graffiti, some of it posed as questions, so you'll never have to think of them yourself anymore!
Yep - public fountains are swell, try one today!
Please note: Opinions and observations in this ad are merely opinions and observations as opinioned and observed by the opinion and observation department put in charge of this ad, and you personally may find your local fountain to be to instead merely 'richly populated' with urine, at best 'wonderfully passionate' lovers, often 'rude and pretensions as all fuck' when it comes to your use of language, and covered in more statement oriented graffiti. But we think even in those far more dire sounding scenarios that a public fountain will easily improve your life in every way imaginable.
This message was brought to you by 'The Society Public Fountain Proliferation', still dedicated to our now seven thousand three hundred and twelve year strong goal of making the world one huge public fountain, and still struggling to get even half way to that goal, and make sure that public fountains remain valuable, relevant and beloved in a world increasingly focused on water conservation instead of beautiful expressions of sculptured art with water, and homes instead of places people would drown if they tried to sleep. What the fuck is wrong with people?
Host: Welcome back to "Stupid Names For Awesome Things, Awesome Things Like Igloos Made Out Of Zebra Dreams, Paper Mache Newspapers With Stories Of Machete Attacks, and Other Awesome Things, and Stupid Names For Those Things, Names Like Parenthesis and Woostishere, and Other Stupid Names Like That" Hope you enjoyed the break.
Next in the hot seat is regular expert Kathy, are you ready:
Host: Your awesome thing is... A Hat Made From Hairs Blown Off A Lama With A Hairdryer That Was Crafted From Golf Ball Innards, can you come up with at least fifteen stupid names for something THAT awesome?
Kathy: Unfortitan, Ourx, Onjki, Gurthink, Firedly, Constatine, wow I'm on a roll, I might break the mythical century here! Wait, Mythicanal, Centrumtank, Shelly, Brekni....