Tuesday, May 24, 2016

Can YOU follow instructions?

Here now are ten signs that you've grossly misinterpreted your extremely simple and very specific instructions: 

1. You've had a scientist use lasers to miniaturize you and now you're riding a manatee that has been giantized and turned into a Minotaur which dreams of becoming a matador, and you were told to only use 'plausible science'. 
2. I mean seriously, 'a matador?' As if the cow of the sea would dream of being cruel to bulls. That's soooo implausible. 
3. Well, ok, maybe if one had told her it was willing to move into the sea with her, but then when it got there was all like 'this is getting too serious too fast, you're suffocating me!' Then I guess it would be a TAD plausible. 
4. But then again, I mean you KNEW what you were getting into bull, seriously, it's not her fault you make promises you can't damn keep.
5. Plus why take the Minotaur step in the middle? You can be a matador without being a Minotaur. I've seen the bullfights, nearly HALF of the Matadors were not Minotaurs! Also why be giantized if you want to be a matador then do it, you can't let your dreams rely on you becoming someone or something else completely first, geez, no wonder miniaturized people are riding you, seriously man, have some balls. 
6. Oh wait, unless you've been castrated, that's sad, and you don't get to choose that as a baby calf, someone just does it. And then some people eat those things in some places! 
7. Disgusting people! 
8. Unless that's normal to them, who the fuck are you to judge how people eat in whole different places, being a judgmental dick may well be plausible, but that doesn't make it something you should allow into your heart no matter WHAT instructions you've been given. 
9. Plus maybe just don't 'ride' other creatures, we're all equal, don't you know about equality you dick, how fucking dare you think you have the right to dominate ANY creature, I don't care how much you've been miniaturized. 
10. And in this case your specific instructions were simply - 'use the art of litter gathering to redefine the unspoken language of love in a way that speaks to clouds, using plausible science ONLY' 

So there you go. How'd you go? Were YOU able to follow simple very specific instructions, or did you fuck it up just like everyone else? And if so can you recommend someone who isn't unable to follow simple instructions to me please. I really need someone to do this job for me, I have a friend who is a cloud that's sick of looking at litter and not being romantically warmed by it, oh and can you recommend a good miniaturizer to me? I met this cute manatee and I promised her I'd move into the sea with her, but her only possession is an old sunken shoe and as if I'm going to sleep outdoors, I'd get cold, be realistic please people. 

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