Saturday, January 16, 2010

I blame TPG (because it their fault!)

My internet collapsed on me today while I was live on air with Kismet, so now I bring you

Things to do while your internet is down

- Reacquaint yourself with cavernous frustration

- Remind yourself you can survive without immediate access to porn

- Scratch off the dead skin between your toes

- Watch morning talk show hosts seamlessly segue from light hearted banter about nothing much to deep pain filled reporting on the Haiti tragedy to immediately laughing out loud at the mere thought that after the break they’ll be remembering the funniest movies of the decade

- Press on each of the bruises on your body while trying to figure out just how the fuck you got them all

- Study the brown stains on your pillow while wondering whether you can be assed to put a pillow case on

- Think to yourself ‘kittens don’t have hands they have cute little paws’ then go ‘aaawwwwwww’

- Consider stabbing a random Ford employee in revenge for their horribly annoying German Shepherd commercial

- Try to go back to sleep while clenching all of the muscles in your body cause your internet won’t fucking connect ‘connect god damn it CONNECT!’

- Wonder if anyone has ever said ‘if this boats a rockin then don’t come a knocking’ before remembering ‘ahh waves, maybe that’s why its rockin’

- Put your cell phone in your underpants and hope someone rings

- Smell your cell phone and regret that last one

- Check the current prices for flights to LA, oh that’s right your internet isn’t fucking working

- Speculate why you have barbecue sauce in your bedroom

- Think ‘ahh yeah, I see where your going with that’ but then admit to yourself that your lying

Thanks to those who came along to check it out!

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