Ok, I’m officially scared

I’ve started sleep walking again.


It’s been a while. Back when I had a real job I would unplug and sometimes hide my alarm while I was asleep so I wouldn’t have to get up and go to work. In the end I had to set about ten alarms and sticky tape down the alarm on button so it would be harder to turn off while asleep.


Sometimes I would have conversations with people that I remembered as dreams. I would say weird stuff. I have one horribly terrifying memory that I once went into my mother’s room and asked if I could get in bed with her, and asked her some questions about sex, and even though she never said anything, and I only remembered it as a dream, I kind of thought I may have been sleep walking, I still fucking hope that was just a dream (but do you remember just a dream for twenty years?)


Apparently some times I just talk gibberish while asleep. I’ve been known to write a little, to paint a little, and I am sure lots of times I have just done nothing much so not even known that I sleep walked (slept walked?)


So last night while asleep I got up, came out into my living room, got on the computer where I proceeded to responded to a couple of people on here, and then re-tweeted two random tweets I had tweeted months ago, I even recycled one of my poor cheese tweets (plus when twitter became big I fucking hated it, and I still kind of hate myself for falling on the band wagon, although thinking of tweets has inspired some of my favourite jokes I’ve written, so blah, you know?) I have no idea what I could possibly have been dreaming about which would have inspired me to do what I did last night though. I woke up with no memory of my dreams at all, which is not my usual way.


Here is the thing though, nine nights out of ten I can fly in my dreams, but I always have some sort of troubles with it, so it’s always immensely frustrating, and while I am here in ....Australia.... I am living fifteen floors up, and I am terrified of taking a frustrating sleep walking fly off my balcony. Ever since I bought this place I have been worried I might do it. I have made a point to tell many people that if I get found one morning in a dead pile on the street in front of the building then it was NOT suicide. I have either been murdered or thought I could fly in a dream and tried to sleep walk across Sydney Harbour. Even if you read the book I wrote with a lead character who wants to commit suicide, that doesn’t mean me. Even though I was actually borderline suicidal for much of my teens and early twenties (possibly getting into bed with your mom can do that to you) I am definitely NOT anymore. (I’ll probably write a lot more about this stuff one day, to be completely honest I have blocked out most of the memories from this time of my life and I am both extremely curious to unlock those memories and frightened to unlock them. Is it wrong that I kind of want to get therapy to unlock these memories mostly in the hope I can turn them into stories for my books or stand up?) Anyway, I have long feared accidently jumping off the balcony, but up until now I haven’t caught myself sleep walking since I have been in this place (I took two sleeping pills last night, just over the counter stuff, but I WONT be pulling them out again for a while).

I didn’t mean for this blog to get into this serious stuff, and I hope to not continue to sleep walking, but if I do here are -

Things I hope to do while sleep walking

Finally figure out how to get back into America (where I only have a one story frustrating sleep walk off the balcony

Go to the gym (and tape myself doing it so I know for sure I went – also eat something healthy just for the hell of it)


Cure AIDs (you know, cause people would kind of like that I think)


Shit on a pigeon (for good luck)


Formerly change the name of ‘Coca-cola’ to ‘Coke’ (It’s about time, am I right?)


Vomit on my balcony (because I like watching the birds eat it plus you know, I might slip on it bang my head and wake up so I don’t jump off the balcony)


Invent a magical tile configuration (that you can just look at and everything is awesomeousness)

Anyone else got some funny sleep walking stories?

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