1. If you come home literally clenching your butt cheeks so hard that your butt is sweating profusely to hold what is a long time coming poo from exciting your rectum only to discover there is no toilet paper in the house, it fucking sucks
2. I just farted badly in the elevator then a couple got on the next floor and were both convinced that Domino's pizza had just delivered - therefore either dominos fucking sucks in Australia or my farts are freaking awesome
3. Whoever is responsible for changing the toilet paper in the toilet in my buildings gym is doing a fucking awful job
4. If you decide to use an old loaf of white bread as a toilet paper substitute then leaving the remains next to a jar of nutulla is a cruel joke to play on any chocolate hazelnut spread lovers in your house (I didn't actually do this, I did think about it, but went with a newspaper instead)
5. Newspaper does not flush well
6. Having a shower to make up for the shitty wipe (ha ha pun) you just had is not news your roommates wish to hear
Is everyone else having an awesomousness weekend?