Monday, January 24, 2011

Shocking discoveries

There was a story in the paper today about a survey that had discovered that Australians dream job is to travel for a living, now here is where the shocking part comes in, get this, the survey was conducted by a travel website! Wow.

I'll give you a moment or to to take that in. That's right, people who take the time to fill out a random survey on travel website kind of sort of like travel! Have I said wow yet?

I know it's shocking, but what's worse is that this is just another example of the mainstream media using shocking discoveries to blindside us from the real horrors, creating panic spirals that spiral out of control like spiral tsunamis but more spiral like kind of like those tornado dealies.

Consider these shocking facts that did NOT make the news this week:

- Cheese tastes GOOD on pizza
- Stabbing yourself in the testicles does NOT feel good
- Chanting ‘Stan, Stan he’s our man, if he can’t do it no one can’ is a terrible way of talking a guy named Abul into doing a suicide bombing
- Trying to talk someone into doing a suicide bombing isn’t very nice
- I mean seriously, if you do a suicide bombing you die, what did Abul ever do to you?

And yet just this week people made pizza without cheese, Abul was taunted, and men stabbed their testicles thinking it would feel good. All because of the media’s shocking use of shocking people.

Well I am not going to take it anymore, I’m letting the truth out now, take these fact media you fact regurgitating type people when you feel like it but ignoring these facts!

- The eyes are not a window to the soul, windows are see-though! (Unless they’re really dirty, wait are my pupils just really imbedded dirt?)
- The phrase ‘you look like you’re ready to be milked’ is a huge faux-paux in the cow community, they frown heavily on the use of English
- A half melted ice-cream is the same as a half melted glacier, both are more fun to lick that stick in your ear. You know, ear infections and that, plus brrrr
- It must be great to be one of those car loving guys, every time you’re in a traffic jam you’d get to be all ‘Oh my god oh my god, check it out, oh wow, yay, cars cars cars, cars everywhere, I feel like a gay boy at a gay boy rally for gay boys to all hang out with lots more gay boys, except you know cars instead of gay boys, then again being a car guy is super gay!’ Lucky bastards
- If you stick the game boggle up your bum and you’re a terrible speller you’ll have a tough time explaining that to your English teacher
- If you play I love you, I love you not with the petals of the flower you better not be trying to find out if it’s the flower that loves you, you disemboweling bastard

Take that mainstream media, you’re not shocking anyone anymore!!!!!


  1. smile on face, petals on flower..

  2. This is the closest I have ever gone to giving someone flowers :)

  3. Thanks for the flowers Dave, I don't pull the petals :)