Friday, August 5, 2011

This blog has sex AND murder

I was just in the most filthy disgustingly stinky public toilet in the world. True story. Fun times.

It is a toilet close to where I live in the car-park of a grocery store and I believe in a good year it still doesn't get cleaned. The grocery store has good fresh fruit though.

I knew this toilet was going to be epically gross before I even entered, as it always is, but I was busting and there was no other option other than a tree and you get fined for that, unless your a dog. Damn dogs, they get all the luck. The bad news, as I was soon to discover, was that another VIP guest behind the velvet rope of this toilet was clearly so disgusted that they would not sit to do their number two, and instead of going home they chose to attempt to projectile poo from a good foot from the bowl, and it turns out they are really bad at this activity. REALLY bad, I mean come on guy, practice on the ring attached to your garage for a while before you try and join the pros.

By the way violence is never the answer..... unless the question is 'What's the worst kind of diarrhea?'

The hot fudge on top of the sundae was actually on the floor though, ah the beautiful garnish of a fresh used condom.

So I think it's safe to say someone has just had the... BEST sex of their life.

It made me realize something a shower is the same as a murder weapon, find either after a 17 day hike in the rain-forest with an overly enthusiastic botanist and you’re going to use it.

Which all goes to say doesn’t anyone ever care that the outside of the condom doesn’t want AIDs either?

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