Monday, August 8, 2011

Oooh, heaven is a place on earth

I recently saw a sign outside of a church that proclaimed:


That’s, awesome! Because that basically means that one of the angles went up to god and they had the following exchange:

Angel - Hey God mate, um, so I wanted to raise something with you, um, thing is there really is a hell of a lot of heaven up here in heaven, I mean practically everything in heaven is heaven; it's a god damn administrative nightmare!

God - (Pick your own god like voice, I personally prefer to ignore the traditional deep and manly for a good solid gay Latino boy voice) Sorry man, I know, I never expected so many people to end up, up here, geez so many people are just so darn good, barely a bad thing could be said about any of them, so we have expanded a lot. Tell you what, why don’t just cram a lot of heaven onto earth?

Angel – um, Earth really? Not Randlton in south east of universe 179, they're really crying out for some heaven. Or maybe Lievendtonalvle in the deep bluder of Universe 745, they don’t even have Internet porn yet; we could give them some heaven?

God – Ugh, um, maybe don't question my wisdom angel, I'm fucking god!

Angels – Yes, yes I'm sorry

God - Besides Randleton didn't kill the son I sent them like I told them too, they made him a celebrity instead, can you imagine, a self centered everything come easy pretentious celebrity? Do you know what a brat he is now? I'm having a he'll of a time trying to get him to clean his room.

Angel - Sir you're god, why don't you hire a cleaner, I'm sure we can get you a Mexican or something!

God - It's about discipline! It’s about fucking respect! You can't let your kids think just cause they're Son of God everything comes easy.

Angel – I'm sorry. You’re right god.

God – I’m right? Thanks so much, your support and understanding means a tremendous lot to me, without it I just don’t know how I would handle the doubt (under breath – seriously where do I find these idiots) I’m FUCKING GOD you tool, OF COURSE I AM RIGHT!

Angel – Sorry, sorry, um, well just one more thing I guess, when you say cram some heaven onto earth, are you sure we don't wish to be more careful and perhaps gently place a bit of heaven, isn’t cramming a bit of a haphazard way to distribute stuff?

God - Oh my god you are a fag aren't you, just stuff a pile into the vortex and stick your foot in and cram it in good and deep.

Angel – But, but it’ll wrinkle!

God – Holy shit, it's fucking heaven! It doesn’t matter where it goes, how much it wrinkles, it’s fucking HEAVEN! They’ll deal with it. You know what, I bet they'll even put up a sign somewhere to commemorate it.’

Angel – You really think so? A sign? Where, like a billboard or something?

God – I reckon probably outside a church somewhere.

Angel – Wow, now THAT would be cool. But I just can’t see it happening.

God – Tell you what, if I am right you pay for my internet porn for a month, if you are right I’ll pay for yours.

Angel – You’re on.

God – (walking away, under breath) What a moron, I’M fucking GOD! Of course I am fucking right, anyway Hell fucking Yeah, free Internet porn for a month, suck on that Lievendtonalvle!

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