It’s here, it’s finally here! The new incarnation of the ‘New Era Adventure club’ is upon us.
There will be no more ‘opening and yet not actually opening’ the well-known modus operandi of the proponents of the past era of the ‘New Era Adventure club. Thank god.
And, ha ha, of course no more orange shorts, the ill-fated theme of the original movement of the ‘New Era Adventure club’ who of course proceeded the founders of the ‘New Era Adventure club’ which itself was an offshoot of the ‘staring at rock adventure club’, that was developed by a bunch of rock climbers when they realized that that if you just put a rock in front of your face you basically get the same experience as you get from rock climbing, only without the need to pack yourself a lunch, which can easily waste ten minutes of your morning, or even fourteen, depending on your peanut butter spreading techniques.
Wow, look who I am telling this too, you guys, as if you don’t know the history of the ‘New Era Adventure club’. I mean at least a dozen of you guys have personally gifted me all twenty-seven volumes of the ‘New Era Adventure club’ encyclopedia. I mean, sure none of you were kind enough to fork out for the not super crappy twenty nine volume version, which I mean is a bit of a backhanded gift ‘here’s a gift, I just wanted to let you know that I don’t consider you worth a nice gift, but here’s a gift anyway’. But still they have the same information, so I know you know it all, even if you don’t think I am worth the beautiful font the twenty nine volume version comes in, that is far easier to read, and therefore crucial to my continued eye health. So what, we’re the new era of the ‘New Era Adventure club’ and if some of us go blind who cares?
It’s not like there is no precedent to here to worry about. Oh wait, volume twenty two of the ‘New Era Adventure club’ which states ‘in the old era of the ‘New Era Adventure club’ there was a new era who were based on experimenting with a new era of peanut butter spreading technique, who called themselves the ‘new era of the ‘New Era Adventure club’ based on experimenting with a new era of peanut butter spreading technique’. This new era incarnation the ‘New Era Adventure club’ was disbanded after only one week after a member was left with a really sore wrist after attempting a ludicrous left handed spread’.
Well I FOR ONE am not going to ALLOW us to go back down those hellish paths. Not in my era of running the ‘New Era Adventure club’. In my era we eat our peanut butter with spoons, you got that right? OK? And I mean orange shorts? Seriously guys? You really thought we’d bring back them? They did not match our burnt sienna shirts, ripening tomato socks, and our carrot colored hats, just stick with the mandarin colored shorts like was written in the original by laws for Christ sake! We don’t need to add this fancy ‘orange’ color just out of the blue. I don’t care that they are easier to find! Plus ‘no goddamn opening something without really opening it, got that?
Now for the reason I was writing to you. We need to pick a new font. Something EASY TO THE EYE PLEASE. I want at least ten ideas from each of you with detailed reasoning by tomorrow please. Cause I mean seriously, if as the ‘New Era Adventure club’ we can’t stop arguing, especially in this new era of the ‘New Era Adventure club’ then one of these days we may even get around to going on some adventures, and who can be fucked with that shit?