Thursday, March 22, 2012

Question for the ladies

If I followed you all day would I get good exercise?

Ha ha, you see what I did? I made it seem like I was being creepy, when really I wanted to talk to you about your cardiovascular health.

Albeit in a really creepy way.

Did you know that a recent study found that 98% of men who stalk women are in poor physical health? What do women do with their time that could leave those following them around in such poor health?

Clearly if these women are remaining in stalk worthy condition themselves but those following them are remaining unhealthy then there is a hardcore conspiracy of the core hardeningiest kinds, and as usual it is up to I to expose it.

That’s right, women have a thin making machine and are not sharing it with men! And even worse they're instead guiding men to fast food restaurants rather than hikes, to cheese factories instead of steel hauling expositions, and to gravy injecting rooms instead of much healthier cream of broccoli soup injecting alleys, so what's the deal women? What's the agenda? I’m not even going to wait for an answer, I am once again going to rely on I to expose it.

The lesson is simple, men, listen up, time for less stalking and more inventing shit! If the women keep this up they’ll take control. Yes, women? And you know what happens if women get in charge? Exactly, they’ll start stalking US. Yes, it’s true, women have a big long strategic plan, now aided by a thin machine, to take away men’s damn near monopoly on the creepy stalky arts. Fuck you women! That’s OURS. Next thing you know women will want penises, and I for one will not stand by and allow a world to happen where women want anything to do with the penis.

Wait. Something went faulty there. I think, um, I don’t know, why do you people always leave it up to I to expose this stuff?

And no for some advertisements:

This blog was brought to you by the same people who often report that married men are less likely than single men to be obese and then always somehow conclude that marriage is good for your waste line and completely ignore that perhaps fit healthy men may find it easier to find a wife.

And also brought to you by cynics everywhere, how fun and not creepy are they, I mean I?

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