Hello everybody, how the hell are you all? I’m pretty damn good, thanks for asking, because I had an awesome day. I might even go as far as to say it was the best day of my life! In fact I WILL say that, because I am obligated to say it, as it is the theme and point of this blog. Although I hate to use the word ‘obligated’ as it has so many negative connotations. I think because it reminds me of the word ‘oblique’. Which of course, quite clearly, has the word ‘bleak’ in it. Which is of course doubly negative, because it reminds you of ‘beaks’ which are pointy, and therefore judgmental, and has the word ‘leak’ hidden within it, which is oxymoronic, because a leak is like the opposite of keeping something hidden within, and oxymoronic is obviously negative because that word quite clearly has hidden within it the word ‘xymor’ which makes people like me furious with rage wrath, because it doesn’t exist!
But why? Why doesn’t it exist? It’s clearly an awesome looking word, it would easily slide into the dictionary, would be awesome to pronounce, and would even look grand when tattooed onto a young ladies pubis region. And ‘pubis’ is a word that always makes me think of Rubik’s Cubes, because of some weird flawed paradox rhyme reason, and ‘paradox’ is one of my favorite words ever!! So Hell Yeah today is the best day of my life.
Several things are coming to my mind right now:
- I just wrote today ‘is’ the best day of my life, and then went to edit it to make it say ‘was’ the best day of my life. Fuck that, editing sucks, let’s let out the stream of conscieneness truth which right now is saying – yep I know that the word ‘conscieneness’ that I just wrote, twice now, so words plural, have red squiggly lines under them, but why the hell should I fix the spelling of them, the truth is that my stream of conscieneness wants that to be the spelling of that word right now, and I know it’s seen the real spelling of that word, it has that information, the front normal memory of my brain has an excuse to get it wrong, because it’s a stupidly spelled word, but not the stream which knows everything, and hides away most of my childhood, I assume only with plans to let it leak around the time I am next in desperate need of emotional and mental wellbeing – by which of course I mean – why would I write ‘was’ – the day might be in it’s dwindling twilight hours, ‘twilight’ being a word that is often used to describe the period of their lives old people are in when writers do not want to write ‘near death’, which is stupid because most of the fun happens after the sun goes down, but my day is not done, it is still going, and brilliantly too, so today ‘is’ the best day of my life damn it, and writing about near death old people is stupid, you should save that copy for the obituary you’ll need to be dishing out soon, and obituary is a word that reminds me of ‘obligation’ – Hell Yeah – full circle!
- Is it really a cube if the sides are not smooth and uniform? I think little Mr Rubik might not be the flawless geometry wiz he’s always boasting he is at awards shows dedicate to shape based game inventors.
- Xymor is becoming a real word right the hell now – Xymor: When a mistake reveals a greater truth than accuracy could or ever would be able to reveal.
- Wow, that’s a bitching word.
- Coined by David Tieck, for any Webster’s people at their computers right now reading this blog while taking a brief break from updating the latest dictionary.
- Use ‘xymor’ in a sentence? Ok, I bloody well will: The girl with a tattoo of the sun on her pubis let her future lover know that he was not as smart as he originally thought he was after she said to him ‘now I want you to burn your tongue’ and he proceeded to leave the room and stick his tongue onto a preheated frying pan, xymor was also evident.
- I really wanted to use the word ‘fluent’ in the last point, but I just could not figure out a way to sneak it in, a condition I will now coin a word for: ‘xyhym’.
- Wow, I am on word coining fire!
- You’re welcome future scramble players.
- Oh and for those of you who play scrabble with voice recognition devises the word xymor is pronounced ‘ecksy-more’, because that’s phonetic, which is how all words should damn well be spelled, and therefore obviously ‘xyhym’ is pronounced ‘qflygck’. Whoops, sorry, that was the Dutch pronunciation of ‘uh-uh’, it’s pronounced ‘zim’.
- I’d like to write more about why I love the word ‘paradox’ but even though I am a genius writer who never ever gets writers block ever, I can’t think of anything to say about this word, this word I perhaps love more than any other. I wish there was a word to describe the situation I am talking about.
- See what I was doing there was attempting to give an example of ‘parodox’ while simultaneously saying that I was unable to. If I had of actually pulled it off it would have been extremely funny. Also I also love the word ‘simultaneously’, a word that was coined after a moment of pure xymor.
- Also maybe the girl with the sun pubis tattoo and the moron lover were meant to be, I mean she was the one who left the frying pan on over the heat.
I should probably talk about my day a bit
- I did a fun stand-up set tonight.
- Got some other jobs done.
- I am so busy that even though I am flush with ideas I could not dream of taking on any other projects at the moment.
Ps. Wouldn’t ‘Furious With Rage Wrath’ make an awesome name for a parody punk band? Fuck yeah it would, let’s do this - I’ll play guitar, who wants to play bass?