Thursday, January 15, 2015

The Best Day of my life exploration - very classy

I'll tell you something about silverware that not a lot of people think about:

If you drop it to the bottom of the ocean and then come back in fifty years and discover octopuses have evolved to the point of eating their dinner to a human standard level of upper-class sophistication then that was probably really, really good quality silverware.

I mean it didn't rust, possibly due to lack of oxygen just to get all sciencey on you. It was able to turn octopuses into 'upper class' sophistiphy, so there must have been at least three different types of fork, possibly even one for salad, which means these octopuses must now be farming lettuce, and with no oxygen, that's remarkable. Plus it's silverware, not cutlery, which means it may well be made of silver, which is one of the most valuable metals known to man. So valuable in fact that it's the only metal you can hand someone and guarantee you know the exact thing the person you're handing it to is thinking 'Pffftt, cheap asshole can't fork out for gold?' And yet in this case it's literally forks, so that's irony, which is the world's most valuable literary device. Yep, this is top-notch silverware for sure.

So why the hell did you drop it to the bottom of the ocean? You've wasted fifty years of top of the line silverware enjoyment. You've got to value your valuables people.

And I value my days, which is why today I'm currently enjoying the best day of my life. I say you should do the same, I mean how long do we even have before we're taken over by a merry band of super sophisticated octopi??

This blog was brought to you by my desire to use the word 'octopi'. Octopi a fun word to say for all the family. Suitable for ages 3+

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