Saturday, February 21, 2015

Best day ever reaction - Elaborate Intimidation Mongeration

Holy shit, I just levitated. Seriously! Wow! 

I was walking along the street. There was a gutter in front of me. I was walking towards the gutter. The gutter was looming. Intimidating me. Mocking me. I thought... 

'How am I going to get up over that gutter. Can I get over that gutter? Do I turn around and go back? Succumb to its menace? Or do I face it? Take it on? Scale it? Conquer it even? And if so how? Do I use ropes or go bare fisted? Do I use some form of flying contraption? Or just step up like a normal fucking person?' 

It was a conundrum. A battle. A riddle of effort opportunity conflict. 

To turn around was an easy solution yet would require more effort to now take the long way home. To use ropes  would be an easy answer but would require an acquisition of rope. To engage some form of flying machine was a logical response yet would be more wasteful than the others in regard with rocket fuel. And just stepping up like a normal fucking person would be an obvious solution but then it would require being normal, and fucking, and not fucking something fun but fucking normal. Boo. 

All these options sucked. Clearly.  

Then I had a brain wave! Literally, there were surfers riding it, plus radio DJs started to talk, and then micros flew out and made a slice of pizza warm yet limp and unsatisfactory. It hit me - I could step up but 'call' it 'levitation'. Then tell 'everyone' I levitated and boom I'd be a winner. 

Of course now I have another fight on my hands. A further insurmountable wall of difficulty looms. This one a metaphorical wall. And metaphorical walks are the strongest of all walls because you can't knock em down with dynamite. Possibly a sledge hammer, but those are heavy. I thought...

'How would I keep this deep dark secret about the truth behind my levitation a secret forever? I could build a network of spin mongers to twist any tails or exposure towards enlightening satisfaction? I could concoct an elaborate backstory so epic and revelatory that no one would even bother digging deeper into the front story? Or just not tell anyone like a normal person?' 

Meh, maybe being fucking normal wouldn't be so bad just once. 

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