Thursday, March 19, 2015

You know what I'm goddamn absolutely talking about....

Today was the best day of my life everybody, because I learned something. Wow, I am not sure how that reads, but the way I said it in my head as I typed it sounded so absolutely pretentious and condescending. Which is perfectly fine, there is nothing wrong with being a total twat on the inside, as long as on the outside you’re not a dick.

So you know what happened just there, I was watching some footage of a comedian doing dick jokes and I thought to myself ‘I am glad I don’t do those very often these days’ and lo and also behold (yet another genitalia based saying) I go and talk about twats and dicks.

The point is that I am still on the road, for anyone following my journey. (Lots of pics over at my instagram by the way, over there I am called ok_intriguing – feel free to follow me). So yeah, ‘get back on track, get your blog done, and go to bed for fucks sake Dave’, ‘ok David, I am too tired to fight with you today’, ‘ Well also how about you never fucking’….


I learned stuff or something. Wait, yes! I learned that if you have been out of any big cities for a month or so, and then you suddenly see one (in today’s case Melbourne) they can suddenly be daunting. Have you ever noticed big stuff is totally big? But even bigger when you’ve been looking at little stuff mostly recently?

I am not, I repeat NOT, talking about genitalia here.

Oh I did see a woman today carrying a baby, and also with a young child in her arms. By which I mean she had a camel toe that looked like a baby had been shoved in her pants.

I’m tired, have I pointed that out yet? I’ve been sleeping in my car, which is fine, I mean I woke up in a god damn oven today, but I slept ok. And I’ve been driving lots on my own. And having lots of fun. But I’m tired.

Penis, vagina, merry-go-round, silence ender, jovial farfetched, chronic, gargantuan, fillifester, bullwhip, clientele – yep, I can still think of a bunch of random words in a row, I’m just too tired to put any order or point to them. Goodnight everybody.

Ps. If you’re ever in a orgy, I recommend suddenly stopping in the middle, turning the lights off, and going to sleep, right in the middle of the activities, but first saying ‘goodnight everybody’ but do it in the most pretentious and condescending voice you can.  You may not be liked, but you will be remembered.

PPs. This also works if you’re ever in a meeting with high-powered lawyers who are suing you after your recent attempt to blackmail the UN into giving you a small South East Asian Country. 

PPPs. And by ‘UN’ I mean undercurrent neutrality. And by ‘undercurrent neutrality’ I am god damn absolutely talking about testicles.

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