Friday, April 17, 2015

An insightful banishment

Dear people, 

   I like to think that if I'd been named after Ivan the Terrible that my name would now be 'Ivan'. 

Or maybe even 'The'!

Or possibly even 'Terrible'!

Because that's how that naming people after people shit works. 

With insights like this how can you resist the temptation to join my new GANG, woah, wait up, before you say 'I don't want to be in a gang' check back over what you just read. I didn't say 'gang' - I said 'GANG'. 

Assembled to
Negate other

Group being a congregation of three or more people. 

Assembled being the fact we're all hanging out, shooting the shit, drowning some beers, and sharing some laughs. 

Negate being how we slaughter others with brutal, brutal murder. 

And then group, once again being a congregation of three or more people. 

Yep, it's not a gang, it's a GANG, and it's every bit as good as it sounds. 

Consider this - Siberia was conquered in the fourteenth century with just 540 soldiers. If we related that to modern times, and adjust for inflation, that would bring the total cost of taking over to Siberia to zero dollars, because soldiers weren't paid back then, so you can times it by a million and it's still free, therefore if our GANG can recruit just 539 more members Siberia could be ours, and with it all manner of awesome things such as: 

- Being able to say 'there's nothing for as far as the eye can see'. 
- Being able to prove that with a mere wave of the hand, suggesting people look where you're waving them to, and having them find that the area you've drawn there gaze to has nothing as far as the eye can see. 
- The ability to punish someone by banishing them to Siberia.  

And then consider this - By conquering Siberia, many of our future enemies and people who wish us ill will, will be Siberian, and therefore transportation costs per banishment will be very cost effective. 

It's the very definition of a win win. 

Nope, I wasn't named after Ivan the terrible, but I'm not letting that stop me, my reign is about to begin. 

But consider this - if I had been named after Ivan the Terrible I never would have developed the insight I used to first recruit you to my GANG, the very thing I'm going to use to conquer Siberia. 

I think the lesson is clear - don't try and emulate other people please people! It's only with unique insight that you too will find your unique and original destiny. 

Kind regards,
Your leader, 
Iva.. Whoops 

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