It’s been too long since I just started writing with no idea where it’s going to go and just see what I find. See I was a tad worried about doing this because most of my blogs are such wonderful delights of intrigue and creation which I didn’t want to lose, but as soon as I wrote that opening sentence I realized that I have naught to fear for I have opened an account at the bank of suspense. Will I find something good? Ooohhh suspense.
It’s like if you were in some sort of building, a bank for example, and there was talk of something happening there, a bank robbery perhaps, and you’d be all like:
‘Ooohhh I wonder if the robbery will happen while I’m in at the bank, so suspenseful, excuse me miss bank clerk, do you know when the bank robbery is happening?’
And she’d be all like:
‘Did you say bank robbery, you’re robbing the bank AAAGGHHHHGAGGAHHHHGAGGGHHHHHH, Dooooooonn’t shoooot meeeeee, pleeeaaasseeee, don’t shoooooooot me, I have a baby at home and I don’t want to leave him without a momma, I mean technically I guess he’s a toddler, and if I am being pedantic his father has remarried and we all agreed it was ok if he called his step mother, mom, just not momma, cause that’s me, I think that’s my right as a mother to reserve that name, I was the one that birthed him, and breast fed him, and changed his poopies, and I was one of only a few that played a part in him learning to talk, and which outlets in the house not to stick forks into, because we couldn’t afford to have them all made baby safe, and really why do they even make ones that aren’t baby safe, at some point a baby IS going to be in your house, so lets be realistic, I don’t want my baby getting electrocuted at my friend Donald’s house just because he doesn’t have his own kids so didn’t get the baby safe ones, and no, before you even ask, Donald is a friend, and only a friend, I have told my little baby’s, sorry toddler’s, Daddy this a thousand times, “well how do I know you ain’t fucking him” he’d say, and I’d be like “cause I said I ain’t fucking him that’s how”, that thick skulled ass, we don’t fuck ok, we just both really like playing Mario Cart so I go play it at his house, there is nothing wrong with that, he wouldn’t be complaining if Donald was Donna, now would he? He’d probably encourage it. Anyway, how is it still his business who I am or am not fucking? He’s left me and remarried and still asks. I ain’t fucking anyone that’s who! Unless you count my big plastic fun wand that was actually supposed to be designed to massage your back with. So please DOOOOONNN’TTT Shooooootttt’.
And the real bank robbers would be all like:
‘Oh shit, looks like someone beat us to it boys, thank god, he’s the one that has to picture in his mind that lady with her wand and not us! You know what, let’s quit bank robbing and go and get pie instead, everyone loves a nice slice of pie!’
Yep. Suspense is cool. And this blog had it somewhere. I’m happy with that, oh also I figured out how to get bank robbers to quit – pie. Sweet.