‘Oh that’s right, there’s a calamity in distance’ Karl was
tersely reminded.
Karl was a calamity enthusiast. He hoped to be the world’s
foremost calamity expert one day. But he found himself occasionally forgetting
cradles and avenues of calamity and it had begun to deeply frustrate him.
He’d even forgotten the calamity in multiple opportunities once.
‘Like seriously, you end up having to say “no” to one or more of
them, it’s kind of freaking obvious’ I reminded him when he brought it up from
time to time.
‘But when you’re focusing your entire life on “calamity” then
“opportunity” just drops off the radar occasionally’ he argued, attempting to
defend his pathetic mistake, and mend any credibility he still held.
‘Do you think the world’s foremost explorer ever lets “home”
slip from radar? Do you think that the Lord of Darkness will ever let “The Sun”
completely escape his mind? Do you think the world’s foremost shoelace expert
goes one fucking day not remembering the horrific threat that is “Velcro”? I’d
point out, calmly.
‘Well you know what, the world’s foremost explorer is now long
dead, the lord of darkness will far outlive something as temperamental as The Sun,
and frankly Velcro may well be superior
to shoelaces to be frank, and frankly the world’s foremost shoelace expert may
be holding us all back with this relentless shoelace dedication’ he’d declare,
from no where.
‘Can Velcro be interchanged with a variety of colors with also
the possibility of a moderate level of style alteration with merely 10-20
minutes of finicky work depending on the shoe???’ I’d retort ‘Huh, huh, huh,
CAN IT?’
‘What?’ Karl would reply.
‘With shoelaces I can change the color of my laces on the same
pair of shows ANYTIME I want, assuming I am carrying a variety of shoelace
options on me at all time, which obviously I am, can you do that with FUCKING
VELCRO?’ I’d scream.
‘Well not, but it’s hardly the s….’
‘SO DON’T YOU DARE USE THE WORD SUPERIOR IN REFERENCE TO VELCRO EVER FUCKING AGAIN’ I’d bellow,
interrupting him.
‘Here’s a calamity – talking to someone about footwear
tightening devices who value color and alterationalability over practicality!’
He’d declare.
He had me there.
I couldn’t argue against that.
He did have potential Karl. I had to give him that. That sure
was a calamity I had never observed.
I avowed right there to help him. I could remember previously
discovered calamities. He could spot and identify new calamities. As a team we
would be unstoppable calamity experts. The title of ‘foremost’ suddenly seemed
inevitable.
We’re out on of our many calamity finding expeditions right now.
I have enormous hopes and endless dreams. There is only one flaw in our mission
I have noticed so far – I’m constantly having to put a pause on the operations
to stop and tie my shoe laces. I mean fuck me, there MUST be a superior
technology than this?
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