Freakin' weirdoes

Have you ever noticed that there are some freakin' weirdos out there in the world? 

Like get this. 

I made friends with a small cloud recently. 
Named Cotton.
Which is a super cute name for a cloud. 
Awwww. 

I carried him around on a string like a balloon. 
We were best pals. 
Except at night. 
When I wanted to go to the pub. 

Cotton doesn't like pubs you see. 
Cause as he says...
'Girls pinch my ass, the ciders are too expensive, and the hand dryers in the bathroom often blow too hard and I get blown under the cubicle doors which I can't open cause I have no hands'.

So I'd tie him to a pole outside. 
I'd have my fun.
He'd flirt with girls on the way in and out. 
Then we'd get the bus home together. 
Unless Cotton forgot his half price for being a cloud card and then it'd be about the same price to get a cab. 
It worked out great. 

Until yesterday...
When I came out and he'd been STOLEN!'

I called the cops.
I said...
'Help, help, my clouds been stolen!'
And they said...
Get this... 
'You can't own a cloud!' 
'But he was my friend' I replied, crying.
But they didn't want to talk to me.

Well you know what you also can't own a teenage girl, but you call up the cops and say...
'Help help, I had my teenage girl tied up outside the pub, and someone stole her'!
Then the cops DEFINITELY want to talk to you. 
But to me for my cloud. 

What's wrong with these cops? Total freakin' weirdoes. 

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