Sunday, July 12, 2015

Hot new trend alert

I don't know about all of you, but I love Science. Science has facts, lighting things on fire and sometimes even things made out of material so unstable that you can't hold it without wearing gloves! That's not just bad ass, but a perfect metaphor for how I feel about gnats. 

Here's the thing though, when I like something it always ends up becoming super popular and everyone loves it. It's my gift and my curse. This means science is about to become so popular that you soon won't be able to turn a corner without being blasted in the face with a heavy load of pure science. 

I recommend you all jump in as fast as possible, to get in front of the trend, and be a trend setter rather than a trend follower, and trust me setting things is way more bad ass than following things. Consider these two scenarios:

1. A creepy guy wearing really loose pants, and with barbecue sauce in his beard, is staring at you on the bus, then gets off at your stop, follows you home and shits in your mail box.

2. You're on the bus and a sexy stranger sets you up with their even sexier friend.

NOW which is better, setting or following? Yep, exactly. 

So go out and set people. 

And now signs that the science fad has taken over and if your not part of it already you're just a filthy follower:

- Bars are selling cocktails in beakers.
- Buy eight or more muffins, get a free microscope.
- People are wearing white lab coats to orgies. 
- There's a movie of the week where an orphan is sad because his girlfriend has died in an acid explosion at the lab. 
- Later those same orgy people, now with gonorrhoea, say 'it feels like a Bunsen Burner when I pee. 
- Your local super market will often be sold out of dry ice. 
- When you ask someone if they want to go to a party with you they'll respond with 'do scientists dominate the local social scene?' And you'll know that means 'yes'. 

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